One would hope a sitting United States president would be obsessed with affordability for the American people, diplomacy with our allies, and representing our nation on the global stage with dignity and respect.

Instead, we've managed to get a guy obsessed with building statues of himself, rebranding every crack, corner, and crevice of this nation with self-exaltation, the weird Reflecting Pool paint thing, the Kennedy Center, golf, and hot dogs.

Believe me when I tell you, I wish this were a joke.

Forbes Dan Alexander took readers on a wild trip this week, with a new report that pulls back the curtain on President Donald Trump's frequent golf outings. But tucked away in that report is something I'm not sure any of us could have properly prepared ourselves for -- Donnie's obsession with the almighty hot dog.

And not just any ole hot dog. No. HIS beloved hot dogs, served just outside the 11th hole at his Trump National Golf Club on the outskirts of the metropolitan D.C. area -- so much so, in fact, that he apparently all but forces his Secret Service agents to eat them during his regular golf outings, only to stick them with the bill.

"He has this weird, very odd pride about how good the hot dogs are," one former club employee told Dan Alexander. "The chef has to be out there. And he’s like, ‘Chef, get everyone a hot dog — all these guys.’”

According to Alexander, "all these guys" means approximately thirty golf carts stuffed full of Secret Service agents who are stuck accompanying Donald Trump around his golf course, leaving the club staff to prepare as many as 50 hot dogs at a time to appease the president.

But despite Trump's dog demands, the franks don't come free.

Ethics rules strictly prohibit Secret Service agents from accepting gifts from the people they protect, so they have no choice but to pay for the hot dogs Donald Trump regularly insists they eat. According to the Forbes report, the club has actually created a special account to allow Trump to hand out hot dogs at his discretion, as though he's buying a round for the bar, only to slip the Secret Service the bill in the end.

And Alexander put it perfectly. This bizarre little hot dog situation is the entire Trump presidency in a nutshell:

There, in one all-beef transaction, is the Trump presidency in miniature. Trump owns the club. Trump controls the chef. Trump doles out the hot dogs. Trump watches everyone eat them. Then Trump’s business sends the government the bill.

While the Forbes report didn't spill the beans on just how much the Secret Service has been charged as a result of the president's hot dog obsession, Aleander did note that some agents "secretly arrange for slimmed-down dogs — an act of insubordination coordinated directly with the chef."

But when it comes to toppings for the big guy himself, "less is more" is not a concept he relates to, as one former employee said Trump piles on "as much mustard and relish that you could possibly imagine," while another actually described Donald's mustard application technique as "very artistic."

Alexander further reported that the president has a tendency to soil his shirt with all this frankfurter fury going on, but apparently that was simply too much for the White House to bear, as they quickly disputed that particular detail, telling Forbes, "Not true that he frequently spills on himself."

Unfortunately for all of us who continue to have to live in a country with this man at the helm, while the hot dog revelations are certainly the weirdest part of this story, it's far from the only bizarre ritual of self-glorification that the president partakes in at his golf clubs.

Forbes calculated that the president has spent approximately 165 out of the 600 days he's been in office this time at one of his golf properties, clocking in at about 1,400 hours, as his war with Iran rages well past six months and counting and the American people he's supposed to be serving try to decide if they're they're going to get gas or groceries this week, because both is entirely out of the question at this point.

Yet our president appears far more concerned with ensuring he gets the constant admiration he believes he so deeply deserves on his incessant golf outings.

Alexander reports that other players are expected to "basically part the Red Sea" when Trump and his posse approach them on the golf course, allowing the president to play through. Once he's finished with his game and enters the grill, it has become customary for members to immediately rise from their seats and greet the president with a rousing round of applause -- a disturbing ritual that Alexander reports only came to fruition once Trump became president and seems to apply to all of his properties now.

But don't worry, a White House spokesperson said Donnie doesn't even actually golf that much. Instead, he's putting his "unmatched" work ethic straight to work by holding meetings and fundraisers at his clubs.

For the record, this is why other countries laugh at us.