The Colbert Report: Color-Bind


Stephen Colbert has a solution to help all of his black viewers to change how scared white people like himself feel about them -- become Senators.

COLBERT: Nation, it's time we Caucasian Americans accept that when it comes to furthering the racial dialog, the ball is in our court, even though having the ball on a court has never been our strong suit. President Obama had taken the first step by frankly discussing, as a black man, how it feels to be in a room full of white people who are scared of him.

Now I believe it's my turn to be honest about the white experience... black people are scary. And, folks, that's not just me saying that. I mean, just ask the TV. […]

That's not prejudice. That's just math. Okay? So, if in 2011, out of 42 million African Americans, 4149 were arrested for murder, which means we can reasonably be scared of .009% of African Americans. Now, it doesn't sound like a lot, until... until you consider... until you consider that we don't know which nine one thousandth of one percent. So, to be safe, we have to be scared of all of them.

This is the same reason I assume all Arabs are terrorists and all Irishmen are leprechauns. […]

Now that I've done this, in the dialog of racial understanding, white people have done our part. Okay? We have shown the courage to admit we're terrified, but it's a two way street black people.

Which is why, right now, I would like to address all of my African American viewers. Folks, it is your responsibility to change how white people feel about you and according to President Obama, there's a simple way you can do it. […]

So the answer's obvious. Black people need to become Senators.

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