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If you have had the misfortune of being one of those kids who was sexually victimized by an adult, the one thing you know is the script. You know it by heart, and even after years of therapy and recovery and acceptance that script can send you back -- right back -- to where you were all those years ago, or yesterday.

They start by telling you how special you are, and how they want to spend time with you, help you to succeed. They invite you to their secret place, whether it's their house or their office or even their car. They're affectionate in words and speech, and they reach out, little by little and draw you in and because you're a kid and they're an adult you let them. It's not until later that the shame overcomes the privilege. They find you because you've had trouble in your life, or your family isn't all it should be, or you're poor, or you're smart, or whatever it is that attracts. And once they find you, they pursue you. Relentlessly.

This piece of video where CNN anchor Don Lemon has a panel discussion about the alleged molestations committed by Bishop Eddie Long is some of the most compelling real time, real life television I've seen in a long time. During a frustrating but polite exchange with three panelists who are fully supportive of Bishop Long, Lemon first plays a description from one of the attorneys of Long's alleged inappropriate behavior with one young man.

At about 5:08 in this clip, Lemon tells this panel gently but firmly that what that lawyer described fits the profile and he knows it because he lived it, too.

LEMON: Yes. Listen, I know it's very tough to listen to this, but I want you to listen to what the lawyer of the accused to say about one of the young men that accused the bishop and their relationship and what happened. Let's play that and then we'll talk about it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BERNSTEIN: Anthony was moved in and lived in that house for approximately at the end of 11th grade when he was 17 years old. And there, the pastor started to do what adult pedophiles do with younger, younger people -- which is starting to spend time with them, casually watch TV with them and lay his legs on him, and then ask him to massage him and then start explaining to him how special he was to him and it was special for the bishop to be able to spend time with them. They did devotional readings together. He was over there on a regular basis at this house.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

LEMON: What do you think when you hear that? What do you think when you hear that, John?

CAMPBELL: I -- I still have a feeling that those -- those are not intentions of bishop. Bishop is known to be a mentor to young men and I feel that him having interaction with this young man or watching TV with him, it's nothing. I don't feel that it was anything with a negative intention behind that.

LEMON: Let me tell you what got my attention about this and I have never admitted this on television. I'm a victim of a pedophile when I was a kid -- someone who was much older than me. And those are the things that they do, the language. This doesn't make you gay if you do this.

So when someone starts to say that, you start to perk up and go -- ooh. Four people have said the same exact story and using the same buzz words. How do people come up with those stories? Did that ever cross any of your minds, Gabrielle, when you heard that four people who have come up with the same exact story who -- two of them know each other, the third one doesn't really know the other one, and the fourth one doesn't know any of them?

RICHARDS: When I look at different pedophiles, as said, I don't se bishop as one. If you look at the various things that he's done for the community and for young people in general, none of it boils down to him looking like a pedophile.

While it's remarkable that an anchor would sit up straight in the middle of an interview segment and admit to his own molestation as a child, it's equally clear that his motivation for doing it comes from his firsthand knowledge that this is something that black men do not admit as a general rule. And because they do not admit it, when four separate black men stand up and say this has happened, it's worthy of attention.

LEMON: Kevin, and as I was saying, Kevin, you're older than these guys. I've never admitted that on television and I never told my mom until I was 30 years old, especially African-American men don't want to talk about those things and don't want to admit them even if there's money involved that you may make money off of it.

KEVIN BOND, FORMER NEW BIRTH EMPLOYEE: You're telling the truth, Don. And the truth of the matter is most people don't lie when it comes to this type of thing and that's why it's so very important that the Bishop speak out and pause and the delay that it's taking for him to speak out is really causing more - making it even more troubling.

Lemon's point? You don't come out and say this even if it means you might be paid by someone looking to smear Bishop Eddie Long. You just don't, and particularly this is true in the black community.

Lemon's admission should be considered a very big deal for anyone in ANY community who still suffers in silence over the stigma of being molested. Molestation is, in my opinion, one of the deepest wounds inflicted on small children as well as teenage boys and girls. It robs them of their power to self-determine their fate. It leaves their psyche and their center locked in a dark, deep, mucky closet where it festers and burns until the anger overcomes the shame.

I really hope his example sets one for others who have or are walking in his shoes. If you're reading this and are in that situation or locked in the aftermath, please, seek help.

About karoli
karoli's picture
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46 Comments

Call me paranoid but I never trust anyone who talks of morality while exercising excessive decadence(cars, homes, jewelry, etc).

Handypants's picture
...

"The higher the buildings, the lower the morals."

Noel Coward (1899 - 1973)

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/26780.html


"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow
man, and I hate people like that!
" ~ Tom Lehrer (1928 - )

Handypants's picture

A bad situation made worse (more confusing to the victims) by religion.


"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow
man, and I hate people like that!
" ~ Tom Lehrer (1928 - )

Karen's picture

Handypants:

A bad situation made worse (more confusing to the victims) by religion.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

(And I love Tom Lehrer!)


Everyone is equally entitled to the pursuit of happiness. Wasn't that once self evident?

ikalbertus's picture
If

If Long hung out outside the school playground and offered candy to young kids, he would be arrested. If he had no money he would go to jail. Religion is such a nice cover for perverts.

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

He meant his mother

She made him wear pedal pushers.


Diabolus est Deus Inversus

too.

I know the pattern too, how the abuser finds an opening to do what he or she does in the fact that your family has some sort of dysfunction. It happened when both my parents were struggling with alcoholism, and later it happened again when Dad's alcoholism worsened and then it progressed some more after Dad died.

I also appreciate the courage of these men so much. Religion clouds people's brains on this issue and people like the lady in the clip refuse to believe that men of the cloth can be abusers. My friend growing up was a survivor herself, and all though her abuser was a relative her own age, she has so much against her coming out with what he did to her because he has long been a worship leader at one of the local churches. The way people would fail her if she started to tell what he did has been enough to keep her quiet all of these years.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

...with God, therefore can never see him as a pedophile. Of course instead of owning up to his apparent degenerate behavior Long today perpetuated the confusion by playing victim, suggesting that those kids are out to cashing in and bring him down.

men and for that matter, anyone who is coming forward with accusations of sexual abuse by clergy has much more to lose than they have to gain.

Instead of cashing in, they are much more likely to be treated cruelly by Long's sheep and alienated from their community. It's just awful, but that's probably why they were chosen for the abuse anyway. :(


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Going down?


Diabolus est Deus Inversus

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Diabolus est Deus Inversus

ikalbertus's picture
ys

Expected that one.

Pawn's picture

Be it people in a position of power taking advantage of someone in a lesser position, or when someone in a lesser position desires to be in a more powerful position. We don't know the truth yet, and should watch closely for what investigations and hearings flush out into the light.

Ricmarc's picture

what long has done screams predator. the man is simply brazen in his behavior. i have no doubt what it has been said he has done is true. the stories have the ring of truth that comes from someone that was there and had what they said was done to them done to them.

what i find particularly creepy is his academy and the things he required the boys to be able to do physically. he built them into the body types he preferred with his excercise regime. he is like a perverted henry higgins.

he sent the message that he had power over them, and control. Predatory behavior, especially toward kids, is to me the most loathsome, ugly, selfish behavior there is. Ugh.

RAINN's offline services:

http://www.pandorasproject.org/

This is a great organization that grew out of a message board called Pandora's Aquarium (the message board still exists, that's why I'm recommending). I used to be a mod for the Spirituality section of the board.

For some people it helps to open up a little with other survivors online before talking to someone (therapist, etc.) about it face to face.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

karoli's picture

Appreciate pointers like that...it's really hard sometimes to discern the 'safe' online support groups from ones that can harm more than help.

keeping everyone safe, so it's a great group! :)


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

katy's picture

thank you, Don Lemon... and all whistle blowers and truth tellers... wow.

...having known that script intimately myself. Yet another revolting example of religious hypocrisy and the psychological cost of homophobia, and yet more victims.

and that his followers/supporters use that term almost exclusively to indentify him.

It appears to comes from a self annointed group, the Full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship which Rev. Long held convene but with which he may no longer be associated. It is a term usually associated with the Catholic and Anglican hierarchy, not the congregation based Protestant churches. I have never heard it used among the mega church messianic cults like Long's.


“Why would anyone with a functioning brain believe this guy?”
Some guy with an eating disorder

Annaleigh's picture

I'm sure there are other megachurch pastors as well.

Edit - Yep, there are others...Thomas Weeks, Paula White, etc.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

Mag7's picture

there are 'pastors' that now go by the title "Apostle", which I think is an atrocious exploitation of your follower's beliefs. Where's a good lightning strike when you need one?

And there is also the "Prophetess" Juanita Bynum who used to be married to "Bishop" Weeks, etc. etc.

I can't believe I used to be an evangelical...sigh.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

Amitola's picture

because it connotes that they are of a 'higher order' - an overseer and someone closer to God, not just an ordinary run-of-the-mill Pastor who, as the title implies, is more of a shepherd of the spiritual flock.

It's all about power and control...used by the sociopaths among up in all walks of life.


"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of Stupidity" - Frank Leahy

Peter G's picture

a reverend any day. Also they don't move in straight lines if you know what I mean. Very oblique.


Hasa Diga Eebowai

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Diabolus est Deus Inversus

Barbara in BC's picture

This is brilliant journalism, having the show's host coming out and admitting how he was exploited by another "mentor" and recognizing the subtle signs of a pedophile. Thanks to Crooks and Liars for posting this story.

djonan's picture

These kids sound like morons and remind me of people explaining why they support Sarah Palin. It's a feeling. Confront them with evidence, examples (his statements that gays should be put to death), etc. and ask them FACTS. I'm bored with people's feelings.

Some people, when confronted with the truth of a sexual abuser, especially if he or she is a pillar of their community, find it too hard to admit it's real. They would have to give up their cherished beliefs about the predator. Heck, some survivors even have that problem with their own perpetrators (it hurts too much for them to admit the abuser didn't really love or care for them).

The next step in denial is often either to accuse the victims of lying or suggesting the victim deserved it. Or, bizarrely, sometimes even both at the same time.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

Ricmarc's picture

i love the fact that the 3 defenders are 3 people eddie long would not have hit on. one too young, one too fat, and a girl.

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Is it just me, or does this mean more about religion than most churches and pronouncements:?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_a46WJ1viA


Diabolus est Deus Inversus

Annaleigh's picture

The lyrics to that song are the very definition of what a religious community should be. Not what it often is.


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Diabolus est Deus Inversus

i can think of only one incident when somebody said they were abused and it wasn't true. it was the cardinal in chicago and his accuser had aids dementia and recanted. other than that it has always been found the allegations were true, often with a nice quiet out of court settlement and the allegations coming out way after the fact.

ysbaddaden's picture
)O(

Diabolus est Deus Inversus

Kate's picture

Your list of how pedophiles groom their potential victims is exactly how cults treat prospective members. I was treated this way by a cult back in the '70s (Eckankar), though there was no sexual abuse in my experience -- just paying for endless seminars, books, tapes, records, posters, jewelry, etc., and giving up my ability to think critically for 11 years.

> They start by telling you how special you are, and how they
> want to spend time with you, help you to succeed. (...) They're
> affectionate in words and speech, and they reach out, little by
> little and draw you in and because you're a kid and they're an
> adult you let them.

Or, in the case of religious cults, if you're a seeker of truth and answers to life's questions, you welcome them into your life as well.

> It's not until later that the shame overcomes the privilege.

In my case, I learned that the founder had shamelessly plagiarized the work of other, more sincere writers. Talk about shame!

> They find you because you've had trouble in your life, or your
> family isn't all it should be, or you're poor, or you're smart, or
> whatever it is that attracts.

Yes, "smart" people can be incredibly stupid when it comes to someone exploiting their emotional needs. And then denial is an attractive option for the members because they've invested so much money, time, and sincere love in the group.

The leaders know consciously -- and use it as a weapon -- and the members feel unconsciously that if they accept the allegations as true, they will have to re-examine and possibly give up their entire belief system, not to mention giving up their entire social structure and dear friends.

timlennon's picture

There is a national network of survivors of clergy abuse: Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP). They have a website: www.snapnetwork.org.

Snap does important work in supporting survivors, advocating for those abused and attempting to protect us from predators. The bring abuse into the open through education, press conferences and picketing.

SNAP also sponsors support groups in dozens of locations throughout the US. I am a survivor of abuse by a priest when I was ten, although SNAP is open to all clergy abuse, including ministers, bishops and rabbis.

SNAP welcomes victims, it has been a great help to me.

:)


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

ikalbertus's picture

There was a big-time evangelist in the 60's who got caught in a sex scandal, can't remember the name or church. Both the man and woman were members of his church and they found out on their wedding night that neither one was a virgin. Turns out that this guy had seduced both of them.

Ted Haggard, the pastor of New Life church, resigned after he admitted having sex and using crystal meth with a male prostitute. He was declared completely heterosexual after 3 weeks of counseling. As I mentioned in an earlier post, his followers rationalized this by saying that Ted got special attention from the devil because of his leadership in the church. I've heard the same rationalization regarding Jerry Falwell.

Everything about these churches suggest to me that this is where facism is alive and growing. They have a hierarchical order grouping members in cells and supercells to make sure that everyone is in compliance with leadership, demagogic preachers, heroic images and language, and massive rallies. The belief system is political - biblical capitalism, people in poverty deserve to be poor, government should be limited to defense. Basically the same stuff you hear from the right wing politicos.

majii's picture

In many African American communities it is a huge deal for anyone to admit he/she has been sexually molested. It's as big a deal as African American men admitting to being gay or being on the down low. This had led to many cover ups. It has also led many African American males to deny their sexuality, marry and have children, all while carrying on relationships with men outside of their marriages. I've read many articles in Ebony and Jet about women whose husbands infected them with AIDS because of this down low behavior. The wives were the last to find out. The power that many religious leaders have over their parishioners also leads many of them to ignore warning signs that the leaders are not what/who they say they are. Bishop Long should just come clean, sparing his wife, children, and church members the embarrassment that is sure to come should these men's allegations be proven true. Here in Ga it seems as if many of these church members turn their brains over to their religious leaders and believe everything he/she tells them. It is because religion has become such a scam and a sham that I left organized religion. Many religious leaders like Bishop Long has as their primary goal that of persuading their parishioners to finance their high flying lifestyles, something that, at my age, I can do without.

African-American men and boys come out of the sexual abuse "closet." I hope against hope that if there were any little African-American boys hearing Lemon open up who are themselves being abused, that his story gives them the courage to tell someone.

Last time I've heard an African-American male open up it was Lil Wayne, who evidently was raped at 11 years old. Sadly he had to talk about it in a very jokey manner (the perp was a woman).


"The greatest tyranny is censoring information in order to be better able to control people." - Cristina Saralegui

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