Tucker Carlson Launches His New Website With Jokes About Gays, Rapes And Rachel Maddow Insults--UPDATED

Just going back to my personal belief that Tucker is a mean-spirited, immature, over-privileged frat boy who owes his entire career to being born to

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Just going back to my personal belief that Tucker is a mean-spirited, immature, over-privileged frat boy who owes his entire career to being born to a socialite family. Think Progress:

Today, Tucker Carlson launched his new much-hyped conservative website, The Daily Caller. One of the most prominent features is a column by Weekly Standard senior writer Matt Labash. The “Ask Matt Labash” column is supposed to be a funny “conversation.” Highlights from this week include jokes about how getting a traffic ticket is like being raped and Rachel Maddow is “the sexiest man alive”:

For those unfamiliar with me from my day job at The Weekly Standard, I’ll give you a capsule bio by way of introduction: I have the gift of wisdom. Does that sound arrogant? I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t choose wisdom. It chose me. If I had my druthers, I’d have chosen another gift, perhaps the untold riches of Lil’ Wayne, whose teeth are made of actual diamonds, or to be the sexiest man alive, like Rachel Maddow. [...]

I'm guessing that since Rachel is open about being a lesbian, then in a conservative's mind, that makes her a man. What a knee-slapper. And so kind to the only person worth watching on Tucker's unlamented turn at MSNBC. Just a thought, Matt. That kind of comment doesn't exactly belie the wisdom you claim to possess.

Pick three government programs you would eliminate. Why?

–AJ

2. Legalized rape. What’s that you say? Rape isn’t sanctioned in this country? Then you must not live in a city with red-light or speed cameras, where it happens every day. {..] Meaning that the only deterrent effect the technology has is deterring your government from being honest about raping its own citizenry. If you’re going to slide me a roofie, Government, at least take me to dinner and a movie first.

Really, what can you say to any man who so flippantly analogizes a brutal and terrifying sexual assault to the nuisance of getting a speeding ticket?

Labash also gave his very special take on Tiger Woods:

If you were a billionaire golfer, how many mistresses would you keep? –Tony

The most striking detail of the Tiger Woods saga is the white supremacism that lies at the heart of it. At last count, he had something in the neighborhood of 178 mistresses, yet good luck finding any mistresses-of-color. Now I’m not calling Woods a racist. The heart wants what it wants. And I know he says he’s “Cablinasian,” which means that he’s part Asian, part black, part Indian, part Klansman.

You stay classy now, Matt and Tucker. Your debut does not exactly bode well for continued success.

UPDATE: I wondered whose deep pockets the trust fund baby was using to launch his new vanity project. Turns out, Tucker's sugar daddy is Foster Friess, a very vocal climate change denier.

About Nicole Belle

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Mom, Wife, Media Critic/Political Analyst, Blogger, Austen Fanatic, Unapologetic Liberal NicoleBelle@crooksandliars.com

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