In my dream, I'm suddenly the queen of the United States, and I'd order people to stop dwelling on 9/11.

I'd tell them what happened at the World Trade Center made some crazy people ever crazier -- and unfortunately for us, many of them were in charge when it happened.

I'd give a speech about the freedom of thought, speech and movement that made us America and inspired so many to come here, and what a mistake it was to let all that slip through our fingers in the name of "security."

I'd ban the use of the word "homeland" on anything official. "We're not fucking Nazis," I'd proclaim. "We are not the 'homeland,' we are a free people and we're going to stay that way."

The NSA? They'd have to work out of the White House basement (or palace, I'm not sure where I'd live), so I can drop in and keep an eye on them.

I would demand that on September 11th every year, news stations stop showing those damned videos of the World Trade Center towers being struck by the planes -- in real time, no less. "War pornography," I'd rail. "A blatant attempt to stoke the fires of division. We should have found who did this, arrested them and thrown them in jail. We didn't need to inflict collective punishment on some other country's civilians to avenge this crime, because that made us as bad as the people who did this."

And I'd tell Americans they weren't the first country in the world to suffer through a terrorist attack, so "put on your big boy pants and get over it." Yes, it's sad. Yes, it was a shock. But we did not invent victimhood, although you might think so, from the way the media plays it up. (When I was a reporter, we used to joke in the newsroom: "Plane Crash Kills 2 Americans, 187 Others.")

Whether it was through policies, covert actions or material support, the U.S. has inflicted serious harm on nations around the world, and by the laws of karma, it was just our turn.

Then I'd call for national referendums: Do we really want to continue the policies of imperialism? Do we want to continue fabricating reasons to bomb and invade countries, simply because we want to control their oil, water or mineral deposits? Do we want to ruin the air and water for corporate interests? Is there some peaceful way to simply trade for what we want?

Should corporate charters be revoked for criminal acts, just like the old days?

And then, after I was assassinated, some bought-and-sold politician would make a somber speech about how it was all very sad, of course, but it was discovered during the autopsy that I had a massive brain tumor and didn't really know what I was saying.

THE END