Real Time with Bill Maher":
"They've been having a lot of trouble over at Illinois finding a Republican candidate to go up against Barack Obama there. People love that guy. Well, they think they've finally found one. He is our old friend, Alan Keyes, the African American firebrand conservative preacher. The only problem is, Keyes lives in Maryland. It's starting to look bad for Republicans. First, they couldn't find Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, then they couldn't find weapons in Iraq. Now they can't find a black person in Chicago!"
"First Lady Laura Bush said that people shouldn't be saying that the benefits from stem cell research are 'right around the corner' because it gives people false hope. Then later her husband said that the economic recovery is 'right around the corner.'"