March 15, 2008

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SNL's Weekend Update team of Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers take jabs at Elliot Spitzer and Mitt Romney while alumnus Tracy Morgan comes back to respond to Tina Fey's promotion of Hillary Clinton three weeks ago with his own defense of Barack Obama.

Transcript of Morgan below the fold:

MORGAN: Why is it that every time a black man in this country gets too good at something, there’s always someone come around and remind us that he’s black? First Tiger, then Donavan McNabb then me. Now Barack. I got a theory about that. It’s a little complicated but basically, it goes like this: we are a racist country. The end. It’s not the people in this room, but if we’re not a racist country, how did Hillary Clinton convince everybody in Texas and Ohio that Barack didn’t know how to answer the phone at 3 in the morning? Let me tell you something, Barack knows how to answer that phone. He’s not going to answer it like, (soft, frightened voice) “Hello, I’m scared. What’s going on?” He is gonna answer it like I would get a phone call at 3 in the morning: “Yeah, who’s this? This better be good or I’m going to come down there and put somebody in a wheelchair.”

Some things never change, Seth. People saying he’s not a fighter. Let me tell you something. He’s a gangsta, he’s from Chicago. Barack is not winning because he’s a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning. And I’m way blacker than him. I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English. I grew up on government cheese, I prefer it. Now there’s all this stuff and all this talk about the pastor. Barack has to stay away from the pastor, ‘cause he’s too black. But just because he knows the dude doesn’t think…doesn’t mean that he’s gonna think like him. Look, I have a friend who goes to strip clubs, that doesn’t mean that I am gonna go to the strip club.

MEYERS: But you do go to strip clubs.

MORGAN: Yeah, but I go for the girls, not because my friend is going. I have integrity. Barack is qualified. Personally, I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world. If Hillary’s last name wasn’t Clinton, she’d be some crazy white lady with too much money and not enough lovin’. That’s where I come in. I know women like that, you do not want them on the phone at 3 in the morning. In conclusion, three weeks ago, my girl Tina Fey went on the show, she declared that “bitch is the new black”. You know I love you, Tina. You know you’re my girl. But I have something to say. Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch.

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