The Confederate Yankee Theory Of Employment, Interest And Money

Howdy, everyone! My name's Brad Reed and I'm comin' over here from Sadly, No! where I spent many a glorious year making fun of jerks. At any rate, I thought I'd introduce myself to y'all by bringing you the novel economic theories of one of my favoritest conservative bloggers ever, Bob "Confederate Yankee" Owens.

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Last week, Bob discussed his novel theory on unemployment. Now, there are several reasons why unemployment is so high in America right now. One is that we had a decade of economic growth that was based on an $8 trillion housing bubble that saw the vast amounts of capital invested in houses that no one wants to buy. Another is that the housing bubble left in its wake more than 2 million construction workers who now face long-term structural unemployment since the housing boom is unlikely to return anytime soon. And then there's the problem that there's inadequate aggregate demand needed to boost overall consumption that would lead more businesses to hire and... OK, so you get the picture.

But Owens doesn't have any use for none of that fancy-pants economics talk. When he sees that there's 10% unemployment, his gut tells him what the real problem is:

THEY'S JES' LAZY!

Have a look:

By stopping unemployment benefits, the Senate will force those lazy Americans enjoying "funemployment" to get off their backsides and get back to work.

This is pretty awesome. I mean, you'd expect seasoned political operatives such as Mr. Yankee to do the smart thing and blame unemployment entirely on Obama's $700 billion stimulus check made out to ACORN. But instead of doing the politically savvy thing, he goes Full Metal St00pid and blames the unemployed.

Next he'll deliver a weaselly qualifier to show us that he's not, you know, a little bit empathetic to people who have lost their jobs...

I know that many long-term unemployed people have made a sincere effort to return to work...

...before reverting back to form:

...but I know for a fact that many haven't.

Given the weight of the charges that Mr. Yankee has leveled here -- i.e., that everyone who has lost their job over the past two years is nothing more than a shameless drifter living off government largess -- you'd think he'd provide some solid evidence to back it up. And indeed, he comes to the table with some of the strongest type of evidence known to man: namely, the anecdotal kind:

As everyone like anecdotes, I can mention the stories of one of my brother and my two brothers-in-law. My brother was in construction management, one of my brothers-in-law is in auto body shop management, and the other brother-in-law is a mid-level manager.

All three lost jobs within the past two years due to their companies facing economic woes. My brother immediately sent out resumes and spoke with industry contacts in his area, and was re-employed—working longer hours at less pay—within a month. With his work ethic, I suspect he be promoted once an opportunity becomes available.

My brother-in-law the body shop manager has gone through a string of layoffs in south Florida, but never was out of work for long because he was willing to compromise and take less than he thought he was worth to support his family. He even moved from Florida to North Carolina in pursuit of work opportunities, and seems to be making a good impression at his new shop.

My brother-in-law the middle-manager has been under-employed over a year. He works a part-time job and collects unemployment.

When he does get interviews, he torpedoes them. He recently told a perspective employer that what they were offering salary-wise wasn't good enough.

These anecdotes run true almost everywhere.

Similarly, I have a brother-in-law who was spent his whole life working as a first-class surgeon and when he was laid off from his hospital after it was taken over by Obamacare he could only get a job offer as a Wal-Mart greeter. And do you know how he repaid Wal-Mart for offering them this fine, prestigious position? Why he pulled down his pants and done peed right on that thar floor!

This goes to prove that all highly-paid surgeons enjoy spraying their bodily fluids in public places, or something like that. Much like Confederate Yankee, I've forgotten what this useless anecdote was supposed to prove.

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