Thou Shall Not Watch Movies on a Very Large Screen For crying out loud Several Imax theaters, including some in science museums, are refusing to sh
March 22, 2005

Thou Shall Not Watch Movies on a Very Large Screen

For crying out loud

Several Imax theaters, including some in science museums, are refusing to show movies that mention the subject - or the Big Bang or the geology of the earth - fearing protests from people who object to films that contradict biblical descriptions of the origin of Earth and its creatures.

The number of theaters rejecting such films is small, people in the industry say - perhaps a dozen or fewer, most in the South. But because only a few dozen Imax theaters routinely show science documentaries, the decisions of a few can have a big impact on a film's bottom line - or a producer's decision to make a documentary in the first place.

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Pietro Serapiglia, who handles distribution for the producer Stephen Low of Montreal, whose company made the film, said officials at other theaters told him they could not book the movie "for religious reasons," because it had "evolutionary overtones" or "would not go well with the Christian community" or because "the evolution stuff is a problem."

Pretty soon even Devo will be outlawed because understanding "devolution" requires understanding "evolution."

 

Ann Coulter Spontaneously Combusts from Her Own Hatred
The Evil Kumquat
LOS ANGELES, CA: Conservative Columnist Ann Coulter erupted in flames Tuesday evening while filming an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher according to her publicist, Beelzebub, Lord of Flies. The mailrooms at the White House and Fox News were flooded with condolences as conservatives all over the world reacted to the news.

Hours after the incident, a visibly shaken Bill Maher discussed the incident for reporters outside the HBO production studio where the show was filmed. "It was horrible what I had to witness," sobbed Maher. "No one should ever have to suffer like that. I mean, a human being can only withstand so much torture. Fortunately it stopped when Ann went up like a bonfire."

Maher recalled that, shortly after she started angrily berating the liberals at her syndicate for censoring her usage of the term "dirty nigger", Coulter's hair started smoking then ignited, shooting flames several feet into the air. The studio was quickly evacuated while firefighters were called in to contain the blaze. Forensic investigators have already issued a preliminary report estimating that the intense hatred boiling under Coulter's skin coupled with the hot studio lights and flammable hairspray she was wearing may have created ideal conditions for combustion. Pretty soon even Devo will be outlawed because understanding "devolution" requires understanding "evolution."

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