It pays really well to be in the abstinence business. I'm going to apply for some of this cash myself. My new program is called "Abstinence Lite." Since we know abstinence doesn't work---maybe we can pay off people to try and control themselves a little bit. My Abstinence Lite program will pay you 1000 bucks if you don't have sex until your fourth date if you're under 30. And then we could pay you on a sliding scale for you to keep your hands off of each other after that. I know it's kinda silly, but is it any sillier than The Silver Ring Thing?: "Pro-life organizations are receiving millions of federal dollars in the name of “abstinence education.”

As Jane correctly asserts:

These people are nuts, and it would be nice if the press stopped coddling them and pretending they were either reasonable or rational.