The Colbert Report: Bears & Balls

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Stephen Colbert looks at the housing crisis and the suggested fix by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and tells us how to get bailed out:

Of course the big news has been the sub-prime mortgage crisis. As you may recall BearStearns went belly up when people who borrowed money to buy houses they couldn't afford failed to all win the lottery on the same day. So two weeks ago, the Fed extended a $30 billion line of credit to JPMorganChase to buy BearStearns out. Now, this bailout raised some hackles among the anti-business pro-people set....

First of all, if they're losing their house they're no longer home-owners. Okay? Problem solved. But for those who still hold a mortgage the solution is simple...[Button: sell your children], no. [Button: rent your organs]...not yet. [Button: buy a bigger house]...exactly. Asking the government to care about your six-figure mortgage is like praying to Jesus to get rid of your love handles. They've got bigger problems. But sink ten billion dollars into that home and suddenly, that room full of solid gold toilets is a linchpin of the economy. Bingo. You get a bail out.


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