September 18, 2014

After first expressing his nostalgia for the days when NFL football players were just shooting themselves through their sweatpants rather than being charged with beating the hell out of their kids, Stephen Colbert let his audience know that Fox's Senior Nerf Football Chucker Sean Hannity was not pleased.

After replaying some of Hannity's bizarre segment this week where he basically, as Wonkette put it, acted out his s/m fantasies on live television, Colbert tried using his safe word, “pumpkin patch” that he told the audience he and Hannity had agreed on in response, and then proceeded to defend Hannity for his stance on Adrian Peterson beating his four year old son.

COLBERT: But folks, I think that Hannity is right on this one. Adrian Peterson went too far but the man deserves a second chance. After all, Sean's dad whipped him with a belt and he never needed to go to a psychotherapist.

He just has to have them on his show three times a week. […]

No! He was physically bruised. Mentally he grew up to be a psychologically healthy adult who cleaves desperately to strong authority figures, lashes out at any perceived weakness and gets themselves off on live TV.


After noting that the Hannity's panel segment turned into what could best be described as an intervention, poor Stephen relayed some of his own troubled past and looked like he needed a bit of an intervention himself and told Hannity he'd see him at the group on Wednesday.


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