May 4, 2015

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart opened his show this Monday with a look at the insanity we've seen from Texas in the news recently. First up was the shooting this weekend, at Pam Geller and her Islamophobic buddies' so-called "free speech" event in Garland, Tx., and Stewart reminding everyone that no matter how offensive these wingnuts are, it's not alright to shoot them.

Jon Stewart: ‘It Is Not Okay to Shoot Other People Because You Are Offended’:

Jon Stewart spent most of the first segment of tonight’s Daily Show explaining that there is absolutely zero justification for shooting anyone for offensive speech. [...]

The show’s correspondents popped up to ask increasingly ridiculous questions about shooting people (i.e. “what if I really don’t like them?”, ” what if someone is creating a climate of hate and intolerance by appealing to people’s basest fears?”). Stewart kept rebutting them and said “the violence just perpetuates the fear.”

He patiently explained, “It is not okay to shoot other people because you are offended by what they draw. Even if they drew it to offend you, no shooting of them. Never okay!”

Stewart moved on to the other crazy to come out of that state in the last week, which is the conspiracy theorists who believe a military exercise called Jade Helm is really a secret plot to take away all our guns.

STEWART: Now, the question of course was attack an isolated incident, or part of a more menacing trend, because we've been hearing about this fictionally for a while now.

Cue the wingnuts fearmongering over ISIS coming across our Texas border.

STEWART: Oh that's easy. You just don't answer. When ISIS knocks, just shut the lights out and lie there. But never fear, Uncle Sam's not going to let ISIS ring and run yet Texas. In fact, not only is the U.S. military conducting training ops right now for missions against ISIS-like groups, guess where they're doing it? […]

Rest easy Texas, the good guys with guns are on the case.

Cue some “fair and balanced” “reporting” from Fox talking about how “some say” it's a Texas takeover.

STEWART: You know who's saying it's a Texas takeover? Lone Star lunatics. Dallas dipshits. Houston assholes. There's no Texas takeover. The United States government already controls Texas since like the 1840's and then they left and came back. Just borrow a text book from a neighboring state. It's all in there.

After taking a whack at their pathetic governor Greg Abbott wasting tax dollars making sure that their “constitutional rights” are being protected, Stewart reminded everyone that even former Texas governor Rick Perry wasn't that crazy, and what changed between the fearmongering we're seeing now and when this was just considered some routine exercise.

If you guessed it was that the black guy got elected president, you would be correct.

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