September 5, 2015

Ahem, all you gun-totin' Christians out there looking to save yourself and 'Murica from terrorists and other assorted threats! Now there's a gun made just for YOU.

Weapons manufacturer Spike's Tactical has created a high-powered rifle rifle specifically designed not to be used by "Muslim terrorist(s)," Central Florida public radio station WFMEreported Thursday.

“The Crusader,” a $1,400 weapon, is engraved with a cross on a shield — a symbol from the Christian Crusades — and an inscription from Psalms 144.

“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle,” the side of the gun reads.

Three settings line the safety selector that controls the gun’s trigger: Peace, War and God Wills It.

The Reverend Dr. David Gushee has written a prayer that might be prayed as you all bow down to The Almighty Gun:

Early in the morning we rise to greet You, O Gun Almighty. With all due reverence we bow before You.

You alone are great. Mighty are Your deeds. Awesome is Your power.

There is no one like You. In You do we place our trust.

With one press of Your trigger, we unleash Your power, a power almost too great to imagine.

Power to pierce flesh and shatter bone.

Power to bring down the strongest man.

Power to end the most vibrant life.

Who can fail to bow before Your great power?

Who are we that You should entrust Yourself to us?

We do thank You for delegating Your power to us, mere mortals.

However weak we are in body or in mind, when we hold You we share in Your great power.

However insignificant we are, when we hold You we are great indeed.

We too gain authority over life. We too can bring death with the mere press of a trigger.

We are grateful, O Gun Almighty, that with the exception of just a few bad humans, we can be trusted with Your great power.

(Yes, it's irony, in case you were wondering)

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