October 24, 2020

The fragile Senator from Texas, John Cornyn, is deeply offended by the use of profanity on the campaign trail by his opponent, a mere lady with feminine lady woman femaleness, MJ Hegar. In fact, her allowing foul language to besmirch her lady feminine female girl woman not-a-man's mouth is the only thing he highlights about her in the following campaign ad. A campaign ad, mind you, in which the only thing he mentions about himself is that he has not (been caught on camera so far, or) used obscenities on the campaign trail, and would NEVER!.

While campaigning, she had the nerve to say things like "We are going to kick some serious ass!", "You don't fuck with Texas women!", and "Are you shitting me?" when talking about the Trump administration and Cornyn's disgusting slavish support of it at every turn. Cornyn's ad shows these, then presents himself as a polite alternative. "He treats people with respect!" says a woman who sounds like she swallowed her Xanax with half a box of Ernst and Julio Gallo. Cornyn's media peeps also dug up a quote from 2-0-1-6 by the Dallas Morning News that says he found a way to "cut through the rancor." THIS IS ALL YA GOT, JOHNNY? Sad!

Cornyn's ad even has a "GRAPHIC LANGUAGE" warning on it, yet when he showed footage of Hegar, he BLEEPED OUT all the good stuff! Come ON, John, if you're gonna promise graphic language, leave in the obscenities! Exhibit 7,361 that Cornyn isn't all that...well, we know why we shouldn't get our textbooks from his state, put it that way.

Reports are that MJ Hegar heard Senator Cornyn's rebuke, and took it to heart. After huddling with her family, and consulting her pastor, and reading the entirety canon of works written by Phyllis Schlaffly, Hegar says she has learned the error of her ways and plans to clean up her act and behave as a lady should from this point forward.

HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING

And the coup de grâce:

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