If you were a Satanist who already sold your soul to the devil, and you wanted to work your way into the United States Congress to do his bidding, wouldn't it be a devilishly clever idea to throw people off the trail by saying you "used" to be a witch? Because of course people would "assume" (and you know what they say about "assume") you'd found Jesus and were washed in the blood of the Lamb -- but what if you were, you know, literally washed in the blood of the lamb.... on a Satanic altar?

This would surely explain a lot. After all, she had no luck in her previous runs for office -- yet she suddenly knocks out a popular, long-time incumbent. They say it was the success of the Tea Party -- but what if she sold her soul to Satan? After all, once you've invited the devil into your soul, does he ever really leave?

I'm not one to spread political gossip, of course, but someone did tell me he went through her campaign finance reports and there was apparently a big fat check to Hogwarts. Tuition? I'm just sayin'.

Does she float? Because if she floats, that means she's made of wood... and you know what that means!