You know how Texas Senator John Cornyn just hates, hates, hates government? But even worse how he hates people who get “entitlements” like social security and Medicare?

Not so much in his own feedlot.

Come to find out, the man is triple-dipping the government retirement teat.

$48,807— is from the Judicial Retirement System of Texas. He served on the state Supreme Court from 1991 to 1997.

$10,132 in retirement benefits last year from the Employees Retirement System of Texas because he was Attorney General for three years.

$6,444 retirement distribution from the Texas County and District Retirement System because he was a district court judge for three years.

So, my math ain’t perfect but he gets about $65,000 a year retirement for 12 years of work. That’s probably better than your average social security retiree. Probably.

Plus, he makes about $200,000 as a Senator.

So, he’s just scraping by, whining about how everybody is taking money from the government.

The man has no shame. Lots of leather jackets. But no shame.

For people from foreign states who need to catch up – Rosemary Lehmberg is the Travis County DA. In Travis County (county seat: Austin), the district attorney is charged with investigating and prosecuting public corruption cases all over Texas. Lehmberg is a Democrat.

She got caught drunk driving. She admitted her guilt and took the stiffest punishment – she went to jail.

Now Rick Perry wants her to resign. But not because of her having a drunk driving conviction. He wants her to resign because he would get to appoint the new district attorney.

And he would appoint one of his Republican good ole boys. Democrats all over Texas will be found guilty of felony littering. And Tom DeLay would get his conviction dismissed.

Lehmberg is refusing to step down and Perry can’t force her to do it.So, he’s doing what Perry does best. He’s being a bully.

Gov. Rick Perry is vowing to veto funding for the state’s Austin-based ethics-enforcement unit unless Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg resigns, officials confirmed Monday.

Perry has until Sunday to veto bills passed by the Legislature during its regular session that ended in May, including the state budget that contains about $7.5 million to fund the Public Integrity Unit for the next two years.

He’s threatening to take away funding for public integrity in Texas unless this woman does his bidding and turns her office over to him – Rick Perry.

It is interesting to me that every political prognosticator in Texas is pretty darn certain that every Republican statewide candidate in Texas in 2014 will be a male. It’s like a testosterone summer camp. They won’t have even one woman on the GOP statewide ticket.

Don’t get me wrong. I am no fan of drunk driving. But, I hope District Attorney Lehmberg stands up to Rick Perry and calls his bluff. I mean, after all, how’s it gonna look when he runs for President again and we can tell everyone that he defunded public integrity in Texas?

Judge Edith Jones, Texan born and educated, sits on the Fifth Circuit in New Orleans and was appointed to the court by Ronald Reagan. She has earned her ultraconservative stripes over the years in fireworks fashion. She’s known as being anti-abortion, wanting the state to rush to execute death penalty cases, and seems to favor debtor’s prison for poor people rather than bankruptcy.

Her name always bubbles around when Republicans are looking for Supreme Count nominees. Reagan and Bush both considered her. We dodged a bullet, Honey.

She made a speech earlier this year that is gaining some dandy attention.

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CORRECTION: The quote was mistakenly attributed to Louie Gohmert. It was made by Rep. Ed Orcutt of Washington state.

James Carville, of course.

“God closes one door for Michelle Bachmann and opens three to Louie Gohmert.”

And then yesterday, to make it so, Louie says –

It is clear that the reason for the collapse was due to a collision with the super structure of the bridge – not a lack of structural integrity of the bridge. The bridge would indeed be standing today had the truck’s load NOT rammed the super structure of the bridge.

In fact, 11 of the 12 sections of the bridge are still standing.

Hummm … and as Charles Pierce points out, “92 percent of a bridge really isn’t a bridge.”

No, I believe it would be a diving board.

Juanita Jean blogs at The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

Y’all, it’s not natural for a girl to get this lucky.

First, Ole Louie Gohmert, God Bless His Heart, got to speaking in tongues again. This time about owls mating. I know. And K-Mart. I know, I know, it’s crazy.

Gohmert recalled that once during a discussion about endangered species, he had heard that “a pair of spotted owls that we were told for years couldn’t mate anywhere but virgin woods, untouched by human hands, they may have been seen mating in [a] Kmart sign.”

“And sheer sarcasm and out of irony I said, you know, there are a lot of Kmarts that have been out of business,” he continued. “Maybe we need to see if that’s really true and if so, maybe get Kmart signs, see if they ought to be declared endangered and maybe have a Kmart sign forest, where these little owls could mate like crazy out there on the Kmart signs.”

That is neither irony or sarcasm. That’s talking without saying nothing. Louie, normal people do not spend a lot of time thinking about KMart being the NoTell Hotel for owls.

Then, as if to put a crown on my damn perfect day, I pick up the local rightwing newspaper, who like Fox News, ironically names themselves The Independent. Mostly, I think, because the only writer for the newspaper is owned lock, stock, and barrel, by some rightwing good ole boys who want their own newspaper and independent is the last damn thing they are.

Okay, so they did a front page story about Louie Gohmert coming to speak to the local Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club. They call themselves the Spirit of Freedom but everybody else calls them the Belles of Heaven. I told you all about it.

What we did not know is that Tom DeLay was coming out of his delusional closet where he has been hiding to try to rewrite history.

Seriously. You have to see this front page to believe it.

OH HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE.

Louie Gohmert and Tom DeLay – THE Titans of Congress.

NO GOD, DON’T LOOK.

We don’t need any more tornadoes and this many lies and frightening thoughts in one place could only mean that even Pat Robertson can’t piss You off this much.

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Customer John lives in the gnawing belly of East Texas and sends us some insight into the pits of hell.

When you can’t understand why people in East Texas keep electing Louie Gohmert, Steve Stockman, and other assorted fools, here’s a bit of a hint: sometimes they just don’t know any better.

Take the local newspapers for example.

Click the little one to get the big one or open it in a PDF because we are technologically sassy at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

This is the Tyler Morning Telegraph.

It’s an AP story which includes information that there is no evidence that President Obama ordered or even knew about the IRS targeting groups wanting tax exempt status.

You would not guess that from the headline, now would you?

And while the story includes the fact that other Presidents may have used the IRS for punishment of their political enemies, the headline indicates that President Obama is familiar to scandals.

When the AP files a story, local newspapers can and do write their own headlines.

The same story appeared in the Boston Globe except “Scandal” was replaced with “Allegations” in the headline as did the Fresno Bee, NBC News, and even KTUV.

Every other replay of the AP story used the word “allegation.” The East Texas newspaper used “Scandal.”

And they put the story in the “FAITH” section. Yes, they do still have freedom of religion in East Texas: you can belong to any kind of Baptist Church you want to.

Why would political news headline the FAITH section of the local newspaper, you ask?

Because you have to accept on faith that Barack Obama has cloven hooves.

John promises to keep an eye out for more of this crapola.

Juanita Jean blogs at the World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

Judge Jack Roach is a District Court Judge in Collin County (Fort Worth).

He has up and decided that lesbians are unfit mothers. It appears that he has had no help coming to this decision. You know, like scientific studies or child advocates. Judge Jack Roach thinks children would be better off living with a convicted felon father who really doesn’t want them than a lesbian mother in a stable relation who adores them.

A Republican Texas Judge has ordered a lesbian couple to live apart or give up custody of their children. According to Think Progress, Judge John Roach of McKinney, Texas has given Page Price 30 days to move out of the home she shares with Carolyn Compton and Compton’s two children from a previous marriage because he does not approve of Compton and Price’s “lifestyle.”

Compton cannot have anyone in her home past 9:00 pm unless she is related to them “by blood or marriage.” Gay marriage is illegal in Texas.

I guess that means her kids can’t have sleepovers and New Year’s Eve is gonna be mighty lonely for those kids.

Judge Roach calls himself a conservative. I thought conservatives wanted government out of our lives. I guess that doesn’t apply to the s-e-x part.

They want to stand there and watch that.

Juanita Jean blogs at the World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

Okay, I know I don’t need to tell you this and Public Policy Polling probably wasted money on a poll we can liken to, “What would you rather do: Have a root canal or spend a day at the beach?”

But, poll they did and discovered —

… the voters who think Benghazi is the biggest political scandal in American history is that 39% of them don’t actually know where it is. 10% think it’s in Egypt, 9% in Iran, 6% in Cuba, 5% in Syria, 4% in Iraq, and 1% each in North Korea and Liberia with 4% not willing to venture a guess.

Personally, I think the 4% not willing to venture a guess are the smartest of the crew.Much to the chagrin of Republicans, PPP also found some other obvious numbers.

PPP’s newest national poll finds that Republicans aren’t getting much traction with their focus on Benghazi over the last week. Voters trust Hillary Clinton over Congressional Republicans on the issue of Benghazi by a 49/39 margin and Clinton’s +8 net favorability rating at 52/44 is identical to what it was on our last national poll in late March.

Meanwhile, Congressional Republicans remain very unpopular with a 36/57 favorability rating.

Yeah, she’s smiling.

She is the scandal whisperer.

Juanita Jean blogs at The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon.

People from foreign states don’t fully recognize the importance of high school football in small Texas towns.

I remember about 20 years ago when the Democratic National Committee sent some Yankee yahoo to my area of Texas to teach us how to win elections. He planned the first big fundraiser on the same night as the high school homecoming game. We tried to explain to him that homecoming involved parking lot barbeques, big ole honker corsages, booked hotel rooms, and enough enough noise to be heard a mile against the breeze. Everybody in town shows up for homecoming.

“Awww…. it’s just a football game,” he argued and proceeded to have the fundraiser that night. Two people showed up – one drunk and one lost. I determined then and there to never give another dime to the DNC and I haven’t.

It appears that high school football in Texas has become so big that God has taken an interest and is picking sides.

Personally, I’m kinda disappointed that God waited so long to do this. I mean, I’m not questioning God, but wouldn’t a better time to pick sides is when Christians were being fed to the lions?

Better late than never, I guess, because God is right here right now. In Texas.

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An American man named Jeremiah Raber spent about $100,000 of his own money to create something every man needs, a device that can deflect bullets from 9mm and .22 caliber handguns.

“It is a bullet resistant groin protection device,” Raber said. “It is the world’s strongest cup.”

Because we don’t need no damn bulletproof helmet. We need this.

And he named it …. of course … Armored Nutshellz.

I know that you did not want to know that but I just had to tell you. It’s my job.

Jeremiah went on teevee in Missouri and “shot 9mm rounds into an athletic cup filled with red dye to prove that men’s groins were susceptible to bullets without additional armor.” Because we would not have known that without all the red dye vividly spattering everywhere. It was like one of those science experiments. Oh Look! Bullets can pierce humans everywhere. I imagine even on their feet.

To prove the product worked, Raber fired several rounds from 9mm and .22 caliber handguns at a Nutshellz protector. Each time, the bullet did little more than dent the groin shield.

I’m still waiting for someone to volunteer to test it live.

Louie Gohmert could do this to prove his mettle. I think this also looks like a job for SuperRick Perry. He doesn’t seem to be using his much anyway.

Double dog dare.

You gotta love this country, where nobody has ever lost a dime protecting what is valuable.

Juanita Jean blogs at the World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.