Marco Rubio, Still Covering All The Bases
Credit: Gage Skidmore
December 22, 2014

Marco Rubio is covering all his bases betting on an afterlife. He hasn’t been Jewish yet but it’s not for a lack of trying.

While growing up initially Catholic, Rubio then became a Mormon, then switched back to Catholicism, then became a Southern Baptist and a Catholic, then left the Baptists and simply became a Catholic, then he became a Baptist again, then a Catholic again, all the while technically remaining a Mormon.

I think maybe he’s a Baptolicmon. Which sounds vaguely Jamaican.

So, anyway, he’s all hacked off at the Pope right now because Rubio says the Pope isn’t for “freedom.”

Get a load of this theology, geography, and logic talk —

“I think the people of Cuba deserve the same chances to have democracy as the people of Argentina have had, where he comes from; as the people of Italy have, where he now lives. Obviously the Vatican’s its own state, but very nearby. My point is I hope that people with that sort of prestige on the world stage will take up the cause of freedom and democracy.”

The Vatican is “very nearby” Italy? Well, I suspect you can say that. You’d look like an idiot but you can say it.You know how effective the embargo has been bringing Cuba toward democracy? Zero. Nada.

Hell, according to Rubio, we don’t even have a democracy here. We have socialism with a Kenyan leader.

Hey Rubio, you wanna be President? Shuddup about the Pope. He has a much higher approval rating than you do. But then again, so does paper cuts.


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