September 19, 2016

Let's take a moment.

The bombs that went off in New York and New Jersey resulted in no fatalities. The perpetrator appears to be a lone wolf, and he has been apprehended. He shot at a police officer and hit the officer's bulletproof vest. The suspect is under arrest.

But we have wall-to-wall, non-stop cable coverage because (a) there is 'splodey video of the things 'splodey. "If it bleeds, it leads"? And if it blows up, it shows up, every ten minutes, with an ALERT chyron banner. Welcome to the 24 hour news cycle.

And (b) because Donald Trump and Fox want it to be news.

Now that this particular crime is entering the investigation and prosecution stage, please enjoy Deborah, who is likely to be known from here on in as "Burrito Lady." She tells the Fox News local reporter her version of events, which include a trip not only to the vegetarian burrito place, but also Home Depot, later. Or before. I didn't quite catch that. She also tells the reporter about the building "they're working on" over there, and that the burrito place was because she was fasting, see? And there was a BANG!

You gotta love New Yorkers. She tells her story without meltdown, straight narrative, and includes enough personal and utterly unnecessary detail to make her as internet famous as Kimberly "Sweet Brown" Wilson and Antoine Dodson.

Get an agent, Deborah. You're gonna need it.

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