Read time: 3 minutes

Oh No David Brooks Is Trending Again

The title of this morning's drug-induced experiment is "A Renaissance on the Right" in which he sings the praises of...wait for it...Jonah Goldberg.

Crossposted from "And A Doughy Pantload Shall Lead Them"

Over the past 13 years I have occasionally amused myself by commenting on the absolute, mind-numbing, metronomic predictability of certain types of David Brooks' columns.

Both Siderism.

The coming of an Imaginary Third Party which will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have passed away.

Both Siderism.

The coming of an Imaginary Republican Hero who will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have passed away.

Hippie Punching.

Both Siderism.

And of course, Mr. Brooks perennial insistence that an Imaginary Conservative Renaissance (which will wipe every tear from yadda yadda yadda) Is Just Around The Corner.  And I do mean "perennial" in the literal sense --

lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.

--because Mr. Brooks has been confidently predicting an Imaginary Conservative Renaissance Which Is Just Around The Corner about once every five or six months for at least the last 19 years.  In fact, here is Mr. David Brooks in 1999 explaining that the mistakes of the past were behind them and a glorious new Republican Party was right around the corner:


How George W. Bush and John McCain -- without quite realizing it -- are creating a new Republican philosophy

...together, Bush's Compassionate Conservatism and McCain's New Patriotic Challenge are steps toward a fresh vision for the Republican party. Indeed, if you meld the core messages of the two campaigns, you get a coherent governing philosophy for the post-Clinton age.

Yes, for the past two f*cking decades Mr. Brooks has been making a very fine living peddling this particular lie to his Beltway collaborators and every single f*cking time he has been completely and utterly wrong.

So imagine my complete lack of surprise when I opened The New York Times this morning and...

A Renaissance on the Right 

By David Brooks

What’s bad for the gavel is good for the pen. The Republican Party is in the midst of a cataclysmic transformation. But all the political turmoil is creating a burst of intellectual creativity on the right...

And who shall lead this  Imaginary Conservative Renaissance Which Is Definitely Just Around The Corner?

A bunch of toddlers you have never heard of, and...(emphasis added)

...Other conservatives are rising to defend that order, including National Review’s Jonah Goldberg, who later this month comes out with his epic and debate-shifting book, “Suicide of the West.”

Yes, the field marshall of Mr. Brooks' New Conservative revolution is the same shitbag who wrote "Liberal Fascism"

And against what mighty foe shall Jonah Goldberg be unleashing his portion of this "burst of intellectual creativity on the right"?

You guessed it:

Goldberg is right to fight tribalism on the left and the right

So take heart, kids: the Irrelevant Beltway Conservative Renaissance is at hand!

And Doughy Pantload shall lead them...

I'm Going To Need A Bottle The Size Of A Buick

Have you subscribed yet?

Banish those ads for good with a subscription to the site. For $1 for the first month and $4.99 after that, we'll pull all the ads off (except those from 3rd party apps) so you can enjoy the site without all the annoying popups and autoplay ads.

If you've already subscribed, consider a one-time or donation of whatever amount you can spare. It will be greatly appreciated and help us continue our mission of exposing the real FAKE NEWS!

More C&L Coverage


We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service (revised 3/17/2016) for information on our posting policy.