I discovered something amazing today - I still have the capacity to gasp out loud at something Donnie Dingleberry says. I don't know why - it wasn't very surprising, and it didn't reflect any new low in particular. But still...it's nice to know I'm still alive — somewhere inside — after two years of this soul-crushing presidency.

Between his two Very Important Meetings today -- one with his Cabinet members, and the other with top Congressional leaders about Trump's shutdown that he is very proud and happy to own -- he held a press conference. He graced the press with his pearls of wisdom, which included such gems as:

1. He doesn't care about Europe. He's not popular there, and he doesn't care.
2. European leaders have confided in him that they don't understand why those other stupid American presidents have allowed them to get away with paying so little for so long. Seriously. He said he ASKED Angela Merkel how Europe got away with paying so little, and she said she didn't know. Yeah, I'm sure this is totally a conversation that took place.
3. He's friends with all the leaders in Europe. ALL OF THEM. Still, HE is the only one who has figured out how to MAKE THEM PAY their fair share for everything trade- and military-related, and THEY LOVE HIM FOR IT.
4. Peacefully co-existing in his little brain is the notion that he is very unpopular in Europe and they are not thrilled with him — for the exact same reasons: that he has them all pegged as cheaters, and will make them pay. Got it?

When a reporter asked if, perhaps, the military might have an angle on this, President Putinpoodle waved him off.

"They have no angle. I know the angles. I know every angle. No, they have no angle." He went on to disparage all the generals he used to love, that is, until they tried to have angles. Quickly, though, he returned to the "Europe is so unfair wah wah wah" thing, talking about trade, the military, and how they don't pay enough and we pay everything.

In what was quite possibly the weirdest moment of the afternoon, then, he declared that...stay with me, here... he could run for office in Europe.

I know.

"I could be the most popular person in Europe. I could run for any office if I wanted to but I don't want to."

Is that RIGHT? Can Trump really run for Prime Minister of Germany? And when can we make that happen? Like, seriously, how soon?

That wasn't even the part that made me gasp. I was just cracking up in my car at that point, laughing my ass off on my way home from DSW. But then...then he said the thing that made me gasp. He went back to talking about what great friends he is with the Prime Minister of India, PM Modi. He bitched and moaned about how unfair it was that they only sent 100 soldiers to fight in Afghanistan. Then, he said a thing about libraries. Read on.

I could give you an example, you know I get along with India and the prime minister Modi and he's constantly telling me he built a library in Afghanistan. You know what that is? That's like five hours of what we spend. And he tells it and he's very smart and we're supposed to say, "Oh, thank you for the library." I don't know who's USING it in Afghanistan but one of those things.

Seriously, I stopped cackling and sucked in my breath and held it. I thought for sure the press pool was as stunned as I was, because the feed I was streaming went completely silent. It turned out that was just a sound glitch, because it happened on all the TV stations, too. I still couldn't believe my ears. What a f*cking racist, nasty, inappropriate and horrible thing to say. No, Donald, that's YOU. YOU have no interest in libraries. YOU think they're a waste of time and money. YOU see no value in making education and information available for free to the public at large. That's YOU. Most other people value and love libraries.

Not only that - he said it as if it were the sort of thing he said all the time. You know, like "sh*thole country" or the n-word or "You know, I just grab 'em by the p*ssy, they let you!"

Which of course, we all know, he does.

It comes as no surprise his speech reflects delusional thinking. It should be no surprise his syntax sucks. It's not a shock he considers libraries a complete waste, since he couldn't comprehend a complex sentence if his worthless life depended upon it. I guess, as I said at the start of this, the big surprise is that I have the capacity to be shocked by anything he says at all, anymore.

Ed. Note: Perhaps if Donald did read and use libraries, he'd realize the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan was a very, very bad thing indeed, not something to be praised.

Also, he would make a terrific general because of course he would. (Everyone knew better)