Fun With Guns: Drinking Buddies Edition
Charles Ferris and Chris HicksCredit: Mug shots
April 5, 2019

Okay, I want you to meet two upstanding men in Arkansas.

Charles Ferris is 50 years old, and Chris Hicks is 36. They are friends. Ferris describes himself as an Evangelical Anglican priest. He is the founder of a Knights Templar-inspired church. I do not know what Hicks does for a living but I suspect it is equally distinguished.

Last Sunday they were drinking on the porch in Bentonville, Arkansas. Ferris had a bullet proof vest and a .22-caliber semi-automatic rifle so he suggested that they test the vest. Now you know right here that this is not going to turn out well, right?

Ferris owns the vest so he went first. So Hicks shot him in the chest and the vest worked but Ferris said it hurt like the dickens. He had a large bruise on his chest. Hicks went next and Reverend Ferris “said he was angry about getting shot, and he ‘unloaded the clip’ with the remaining five rounds into Hicks’ back, according to the affidavit. None of the rounds penetrated the vest.”

But the best part comes now.

Later that night Ferris was still hurting, and apparently whining, so his wife suggested he go to the hospital. When he got the hospital, they notified authorities about a gunshot. Ferris, who I remind you is a man of God, told authorities that he was paid $200 to protect “an asset” and that he was shot six times by a man in a white suit while guarding his charge at Hobbs State Park.

You’d think the case would be closed right there but the cops, being cops, were suspicious.

About that time, Ferris’ wife shows up at the hospital and spills the beans. The newspaper didn’t say this but you kinda get the idea that she’s ready to shoot him without the vest. I think he’s spending all their money on being a Vestment Queen.

To his credit, Ferris said he lied to protect Hicks. You know, the man he just shot in the back five times.

They were both arrested, made bond, and will be arraigned in May 13.

Republished with permission from

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