Now that Mr. David Brooks has successfully scammed the New York Times and PBS and NPR and Yale and NBC and The Aspen Institute and Oprah into underwriting his midlife crisis, and various paeans are being written about his heroic moral journey from unrepentant Beltway Republican hack to unrepentant Beltway Both Siderist hack, I thought someone should set that journey to music.
To be sung to the tune of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". (Or, I suppose, "The Rains of Castamere")
The devil hopped the Acela express
He was lookin' for a soul to hire
He worked for the Times
And he was way behind
Because Safire was due to retire
When he came upon this goofball
Pimping Bush in The Weekly Standard
And the devil sat down
Right next to this clown
And said, "Boy, you sure can pander
I guess you didn't know it
But I'm a op-ed columnist too
And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you
Now you sling pretty good drivel boy
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a job for life
And a brand new wife
'Cause I think I'm better than you"
The goof said, "My name's David
And it might be luxuriating in morally exhibitionist display of hubris on stilts on my part
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the hackiest there's ever been!"
David you lather up your prose and sling that drivel hard,
'Cause your party's lost its fcking mind and the wingnuts need a bard
And if you win you get a job-for-life at the good old NYT
But if you lose ... you'll get it anyway!
The devil opened his laptop and he said: "I'll start this sham."
And pablum dripped from his fingertips as he greased up Lindsey Graham
And he puckered up, sat right down and gave Dubya's ass a kiss
Then a band of Neocons joined in and it sounded something like this
When the devil finished, David said: "Well you're pretty good old cobber.
Just sit down in that chair, right there, let me show you how to slobber."
The Right's gone mad, so it must be spun
So that Both Sides Did It and the Centrists won
Get Brooks a gig at the Gray Lady.
"Will he ever tell it straight?"
"Are you kidding me?"
The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd found his tool
He gave David that job-for-life as the Beltway's holy fool.
David said: "Devil, if you've got a sec. there's just one more small detail.
Unless I'm on Meet the Press a lot, our plans will surely fail."
The Right's gone mad, so it must be spun
So that Both Sides Did It and the Centrists won
Get Brooks a gig at the Gray Lady.
"Will he ever tell it straight?"
"Are you kidding me?"...
Open thread below.
(Republished with permission from Driftglass)
