Y’all, Rick Perry is an amazing man. First off, every damn job he’s ever had is sucking off the government teat. Yet, somehow, he became a millionaire.

Look, I’m not saying he’s dumb. I’m saying he just has real bad luck when it comes to thinking.

He’s had some pretty smart schemers and connivers latch onto him to use his good looks and power to line their pockets. They throw him a few dimes and nickels and Rick thinks he’s playing with the big boys – not that the big boys are playing him.

So now he’s standing there with his winkie under foot, scrambling to come up with a believable story.

He runs to the Christian Broadcasting Network – the fools who believe his story about possessing an ounce of ethics – and explains it all.

I never heard, and I talked to the president about this,” he told CBN News. “I had a conversation with – a phone call – with Rudy Guiliani about it. I’ve talked to the previous ambassador. I’ve talked to the current ambassador. I’ve talked to Kurt Volker, Gordan Sondland, the EU ambassador- every name that you’ve seen out in the media and not once, not once as God as my witness, not once was a Biden name – not the former vice president, not his son ever mentioned. Corruption was talked about in the country but it was always a relatively vague term of, you know, the oligarchs and this and that and what have you.”

Vague terms? This and that and what have you?

Oops.

A Biden name was mentioned. You can bet your best pair of pink boots on that.

And now, I’m sure you’ve heard the reports that he’s resigning next month. It’s been everywhere.

This morning, Rick took it back.

U.S. Energy Secretary Rick Perry said on Monday he had no plans to resign now or next month, denying a report that he was expected to announce his resignation in November.

Asked about the report in Politico, the U.S. energy secretary told a news conference in Lithuania: “No. I’m here, I’m serving.

“They’ve been writing the story for at least nine months now. One of these days they will probably get it right, but it’s not today, it’s not tomorrow, it’s not next month,” Perry said.

He’s resigning. You can bet on it.