April 8, 2020

Oh, for the love of...

Here we have the grifting, 183-year-old evangelist, Pat Robertson, going all balls to the wall against the COVID-19 virus. Or so he thinks.

He's unhappy that people appear to be following science, and taking counsel from doctors who advise social distancing and staying home as the best way to beat this novel coronavirus pandemic. See, that means church pews are empty, and so are the coffers. He cannot say THAT, of course, though, so, he is appealing to his congregants' sense of Manhood with a capital "M" to "go on the attack!"

Stop "cowering," you wusses!

ROBERTSON: We have cowered before this inert virus. It has destroyed our economy. It has put panic into our entire population....It is closing the churches of Jesus Christ, and people not able to go and worship together in their churches because of this bug. And I think it's time for the church to go on the attack. Instead of just cowering in our cars and in our social distancing, I think it's time that we stand up and we speak the word of god and command that thing to leave us. We have authority in the name of Jesus Christ as his servants...

Okay, first of all, do you really, during Holy Week, want to invoke imagery of the Church going on the attack? I'm no religious scholar, but something tells me things like the Crusades, let alone the colonization of Africa, India and the Americas in the name of Christianity isn't a great reason to celebrate Christ's alleged rebirth.

Second of all, If you have the authority to command this thing to leave us, why is it still here?

ROBERTSON: Coming into Holy Week, I think it's time in every congregation, instead of saying, "Oh, we're gonna be COVID-sensitive or we're gonna catch something," let's rebuke this thing in the name of Jesus! And I want you to pray with me right now! I just believe it's time to go on the attack! We are not supposed to be fearful!
Let's not take it anymore! Let's not take it anymore! And I want YOU to pray in your churches, every church, instead of covering yourself and huddling and all that stuff, speak out! Pastors, every one of ya, in your churches! Declare it! Declare the victory in the name of Jesus.

My dude, you can declare all the victory you want, but it will not have one Billy Graham of impact on this "inert bug." If it is so inert, it wouldn't require a medical team 10 minutes to suit up in layers upon layers of PPE before they intubate a patient who has it. Yet, here you are, telling your pastors to defy government orders to gather your faithful together, uncovered and unprotected, in person to pray the COVID away (and, of course, pass that church plate...)

And don't mock people for wearing masks and staying home. What is this "COVID-sensitive" bullshite? Sorry, but yeah, it would hurt my feelings to have my lungs fill with glue and die. Call me soft.

ROBERTSON: We're going to rebuke this thing. We do not have to cower before an inert virus. Who ever heard of such a thing? We're God's people! And this is a bug which is terrorizing our entire population!

Actually, Pat... Jews. Jews have heard of such a thing as bugs terrorizing an entire population. They were called locusts, and were one of the ten plagues God inflicted on the Egyptians to help convince Pharaoh to let us flee the land, and slavery. This story is told in Exodus, Pat, you should know it. Passover? Happening tonight? Jesus was celebrating it at the Last Supper? Oh, never mind.

Regardless, it's hard to fathom people believe they can speak this pandemic away, but it's not hard to fathom "church" leaders like Robertson are willing to risk their followers lives if it means they can go back to fattening their bank accounts.

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