We are now a nation governed not by leaders, but by increasingly cartoonish simulations animated more by vanity than virtue, more by stagecraft than statecraft. And there is no better mascot for this decline and rot than Vice President J.D. Vance, the Appalachian Horatio Alger turned Beltway embarrassment.

In his latest escapade, Vance demanded river waters rise. Yes, the VP—whom the Almighty (clearly in jest) saw fit to give ambition and a memoir—marked his 41st birthday not with reflection, but an aquatic pageant worthy of Nero. On Aug 2nd, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, that obedient regiment of hydraulic butlers, received a curious request: lower the dam at the aptly named Caeser Creek Lake, raise the flow of the Little Miami River, and ensure the VP and Secret Service flotilla could glide through SW Ohio.

Residents along the lake saw water vanish from their docks; folks along the Little Miami River were never asked whether their weekend fishing trip should be sacrificed for His Excellency’s joyride. All of it, naturally, covered by the American taxpayer, the perennial chump who gets to fund the gluttony of the powerful while scolded for needing food stamps.

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