September 3, 2013

Glenn Hegar is my State Senator.


For seven years in a row, the staff and customers of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. have named him The Goofy is What Goofy Looks Like Champion of the Texas Senate. Bless his heart, most of the time he looks like he spent the night in the dishwasher. Hell, mud fences crumble when he walks by.

Glenn has up and decided that he wants to run for Comptroller of the Great State of Texas. The incumbent is retiring. Winning the GOP primary will be a crap shoot because every third-string Republican in Texas wants a damn government job. Have you ever noticed how they hate government but want government’s signature on a check every month?

Anyway, Ole Glenn is one of those third string Republicans who wants to be Comptroller.

So, Glenn gets to thinking, What does Texas really need? What can I do to help Texas? A better educational system since we’re last in the nation? No, not that. Money to build roads since we’re having to replace paved roads with gravel ones? Nope. Health insurance for our citizens since we have the highest percentage in uninsured in America? Heck, no.

What Texas really, really needs is a tax-free holiday for gun purchases!.


Yep, since Texas has a tax-free holiday for school supplies, it only makes sense to have a tax-free holiday for guns and crap. I mean what the fool tarnation could be better than guns? Guns, no taxes, and guns!

And let’s not call it “Shoot up a schoolyard without the bother of pesky taxes,” let’s call it …. prepare yourself ….


… a family tradition.

So, guess who is shooting for the NRA endorsement?

Now, I have several questions about this deal. My family likes to fish. Will fishing equipment be included because fishing is kinda like hunting? And if fishing is included, how about a bass boat? And if it includes a bass boat would it include one of those super cool 200 foot yachts? And how about a deer blind? And how about clothes? Does anything camo count? Including one of those camo bikinis? And how about banjos? Ain’t you seen Deliverance? You gotta have banjos.

Junior Janochek, Jr. wants to know if beer is tax-free that day because you cannot go hunting without a case of beer. It’s the law. Just ask Dick Cheney.

Thelma’s family tradition is pool over at at Hobblin’ Henke’s Family Entertainment and Dance Hall. She wants to know when you’re gonna get tax-free pool day. And a better haircut. Thelma also wants to know that.

And what if hunting is not my family tradition, but maybe reading books is? Can we have tax-free book day? Yeah, right. I knew that was a shot in the dark.

Can you help us out?

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