June 26, 2013

I think I need to introduce you folks from foreign states to Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott.

He’s a jerk. He’s going to run for Governor so he went to court and legally changed his middle name to NotObama just to save some time and energy. Okay, so I made that up but it could be true. So far, it appears that Greg Abbott is running against Barack Obama in 2014. That’s not easy but, Bless his Heart, he’s trying.

So yesterday, when the Supremes overruled a civil rights law for the first time since the civil war – that’s true, look it up – Abbott waited the proper two hours before demanding that the Secretary of State start requiring a voter ID.

Then he took to Twitter to start doing the wild thing. Seriously, he’s gonna get warts for what he was doing on twitter.


Never in the history of Texas has a man worked so hard to keep people from voting. Well, maybe never is a strong word. But, at least since last night at the Texas Senate. He’s working hardest since Republicans did it last night. There, that’s it.

In Texas, we do not have a driver’s license bureau in every county. Hell, there’s parts of Texas that don’t get the Today show until tomorrow. So getting a proper ID isn’t easy.

This also takes Texas out of the bother to get per-clearance on our redistricting maps. Greg Abbott is sitting in a backroom today with a pencil and a map, drawing lines to make all our representatives just like Louie Gohmert. I do not even want to think how excited that makes him.

Greg Abbott has to walk sideways to keep from flying today. He is so excited that he’s one step closer to world domination by old white men wanting to tie Sweet Nell to the railroad tracks.

Here’s what’s gonna happen. Rick Perry has been studying up real hard to be able to count to three so he’s gonna run for President. Greg Abbott is gonna run for Governor by trying to keep minorities, young people and old people from voting.

Welcome to Texas, where men are men and women need to be in charge.

Can you help us out?

For 18 years we have been exposing Washington lies and untangling media deceit, but now Facebook is drowning us in an ocean of right wing lies. Please give a one-time or recurring donation, or buy a year's subscription for an ad-free experience. Thank you.


We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service for information on our posting policy.