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Wanker Olympics

Exiled from the Underworld I love Atrios's "Wanker of the Day" feature. Friday's Wanker is (*ta-da*) our own Oklahoma Senator, Dr. Tom Coburn! I disa

Exiled from the Underworld

I love Atrios's "Wanker of the Day" feature. Friday's Wanker is (*ta-da*) our own Oklahoma Senator, Dr. Tom Coburn! I disagree with Atrios's choice, however, for the sole reason that Dr. Tom is a professional wanker, and "Wanker for the Day" implies amateur status-- thereby giving Dr. Tom an unfair advantage over other competitors.

To illustrate briefly why Dr. Tom stands overqualified for the more ephemeral title, here are some of his history-making wanks:

* Tom Coburn initially supported Alan Keyes in the 2000 presidential primary.

* Dr. Coburn's medical expertise extends to the prophylactic use ofsilicone breast implants (my sons are thrilled, and want to be at least C cup size):

"And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. That is what the ultimate science shows. . . . In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier."

* Dr. Tom's concerns range from rampant lesbianism in small-town Oklahoma to bogus Indians who threaten Oklahoma's economy to the pornographic film, Schindler's List. He has argued that condoms are ineffective as a means of preventing STD transmission, referred to Oklahoma's state legislators as silicone breast implants (my sons are thrilled, and want to be at least C cup size):

"And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. That is what the ultimate science shows. . . . In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier."

* Dr. Tom's concerns range from rampant lesbianism in small-town Oklahoma to bogus Indians who threaten Oklahoma's economy to the pornographic film, Schindler's List. He has argued that condoms are ineffective as a means of preventing STD transmission, referred to Oklahoma's state legislators as"crapheads", and advocated the death penalty for doctors who perform abortions.

Last week I briefly discussed Dr. Tom's hypocrisy with regard to Social Security and balancing the budget, and no doubt will bring our junior senator back to the blog in the future. He just possesses too much natural talent and wanks so capably across many disciplines--not to mention his "Red State" advantage-- that it doesn't seem right to pit him against those less well wank-endowed.

You may be thinking now, "If Dr. Tom can't serve as Wanker of the Day, who is first runner-up? Who can fill his shoes on such short notice?"

The answer...Read on

 
 
The Revolution Will Not Be Blogged   "crapheads", and advocated the death penalty for doctors who perform abortions.

Last week I briefly discussed Dr. Tom's hypocrisy with regard to Social Security and balancing the budget, and no doubt will bring our junior senator back to the blog in the future. He just possesses too much natural talent and wanks so capably across many disciplines--not to mention his "Red State" advantage-- that it doesn't seem right to pit him against those less well wank-endowed.

You may be thinking now, "If Dr. Tom can't serve as Wanker of the Day, who is first runner-up? Who can fill his shoes on such short notice?"

The answer...Read on

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