The War On Cupcakes Is Finally Over!
Credit: ginnerobot
January 15, 2015

Victory! The brutal, vicious, devastating war on cupcakes has been won.

Newly elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller, afrequent guest at this beauty salon for his love of guns and transvaginal sonograms, has decided to take on the big issues of Texas.

Before we start this story about Sid and the cupcakes, I need to tell you something. Ole Sid has a bad case of dinky-do. That’s when his stomach sticks out more than his dinky-do.


Even so, people were a little taken back when Sid announcedhis first official act. He freed the cupcakes.

Newly elected Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller is going for the gut. In his first official act as commissioner, Miller granted full amnesty to cupcakes. Cakes, pies, and brownies made the list, too.At a press conference Monday at the Texas Department of Agriculture, with a Hey Cupcake! food truck parked behind him, Miller reminded Texans that the statewide rules that once banned cupcakes and other junk food from classrooms were repealed last July. And the Miller administration, he said, will “do less when it comes to mandates for our local schools.”

I know y’all think I’m making this up. I am not.The policy, which has been in place since 2004, was not one of the big issues in the last election but Sid was plenty upset about it and bygawd he was gonna fix it come diabetes or high water.

“If you ask me, that sounds like something from the Obama administration,” Miller said of the 2004 policy. “I can’t believe we would be doing that here in Texas.”

Oh yeah, it’s also state law in Texas that you can’t hate something without blaming President Obama.


The law was put in place by Republican Ag Commissioner Susan Combs. Republican.(Heavy Sigh) It’s gonna be an awfully long legislative session, y’all.

So, Ole Sid freed the cupcakes and held a press conference to do it.This is not from The Onion. This is from the Washington Post.

Before he went to the Capitol, Miller walked to the microphone with a cupcake in hand.

“There was once a famous line, and it went like this: Let them eat cake,” he said, taking a big bite of his cupcake.

Y’all, he has no clue where that line is from. He has no idea that it’s meant to signify someone who is filled to the brim with arrogance and totally clueless about a given situation.

Or maybe he does.

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