July 4, 2015

Finally, a news network that's unashamed to bring the latest news from the Ones Who Matter (in their own mind, anyway).

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Cable news outlet “One Percent News” (aka “1% News”) is launching with the goal of serving an underserved audience, the top 1 percent.

“There is no place for the 1 percent to turn for news that cuts straight to the point: our wallets,” said Will Rice, a founding member of the One Percent News team and himself a member of the 1 percent. “We don’t need another segment on gun rights; we need reporting on the costs of running our Super PAC ads between those gun rights segments.”

One Percent News is the first news source exclusively of, by and for the 1 percent. The goal of One Percent News is to provide the nation’s super rich with the information they need to stay ahead of 99 percent “democracy extremists” so that the 1 percent can continue to control nearly half of the planet’s wealth. The news channel points to the recent passage of Fast Track authority in the U.S. Senate as the kind of outcome “1% News” hopes to continue informing.

Reporter Will Rice says the outlet will have its hands full as it attempts to report on other emerging “democracy threats” though such as the Pope’s mistyped encyclical on climate change and the fact that even Wall Street candidates like former Florida Governor Jeb Bush are talking about income inequality. “We know he doesn’t really mean it but the fact that he mentioned it is a threat,” explained Rice.

Reaction to the news network has been extremely positive. “I don’t agree with their policy positions, but if golfers and pastry chefs can have their own channel, why not the 1 percent?” said democracy extremist Harvard University Professor, Lawrence Lessig.

“This is the most unapologetically biased news network out there . . . and that’s no small feat,” said Ben Cohen, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and founder of the campaign-finance-reform organization, StampStampede.org.

One Percent News has been on the beat ahead of its launch, producing segments on, among other topics, President Obama’s budget and the competing “1 % Budget;” as well as offering breaking “democracy alert” coverage on the recent FCC decision on Net Neutrality.

News outlet viewers can expect to see more coverage of the 1 percent’s audition of GOP candidates in this year’s “Money Primary.” Earlier this spring, One Percent News filed this initial report from New Hampshire documenting confused non-1-percent Republican voters who seem to think their opinions matter.

Whether it’s a Congressional debate over an obscure tax provision that would benefit only billionaires, or a threat to our pay-to-play electoral system, One Percent News promises to deliver the best news money can buy.

I'll be watching to see what the latest is with the 1 percent. You can too, by subscribing to their channel here.

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