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Poor Ivanka Has No Time For Massages

Whiny little brat, Ivanka Trump, whines in her new book about how she is so darn busy that she can't carve out hours each week for massages anymore.
Poor Ivanka Has No Time For Massages

I hate Ivanka Trump. I won't even try to hide it. She is everything that is wrong with our country - vapid, shallow, stupid, narcissitic, entitled, fake and spoiled.

Were it not for her rich* father, her last name and her tens of thousands of dollars of plastic surgery, she would be some average girl who had to work hard like the rest of us to pay bills, raise our kids, pay for daycare and horde samples from Sephora to keep our makeup drawer stocked. Yes, Ivanka is despicable.

Wonkette calls her Presidential Advisor Barbie, which is pretty fitting. Ivanka is a clothing "designer", if you call paying your workers in a Chinese factory about $62 a week to spit out your crappy, flammable junk, all while your father is literally screaming about how he plans to "Hire American, Buy American." Does that start with her crap, though? Apparently not.

So now this bimbo puts out a book and wow, does it include some super awesome quotes that us hard working moms can really relate to.

Ironically, her new book is called Women Who Work, so I expected some advice on how to get ahead (be born rich, sit on daddy's lap at every meeting), keep your hair looking good (weekly root touch ups, daily blowouts), maintain a fabulous wardrobe (never wear anything twice, weekly dry cleaning pick up) and be an amazing mom (nannies, cooks and personal assistants, duh).

Newsweek read it so I didn't have to and they provided some doozies. First up, she whined that the "pressures of her father’s presidential election campaign were such that she went into “survival mode” and did not have time for massages or meditation." Oh no, no massages! Wait, I have never had a massage and I am in survival mode literally 24/7.

But wait, surely she understands my troubles...she went on to say "I went into survival mode: I worked and I was with my family; I didn’t do much else." Um, honey, I am with my kid 24/7 when I am not at work. That is literally all I have done for 10 years. Is this not normal for you? Who is with your kids?

Ok, but after that, I am sure we can get each other, right? She went on..."Honestly, I wasn’t treating myself to a massage or making much time for self-care. I wish I could have awoken early to meditate for 20 minutes and I would have loved to catch up with the friends I hadn’t seen in three months, but there just wasn’t enough time in the day." Wait...what are "friends"? I only get to hang out with parents at playdates and at kids sporting events. Who watches her kids? Oh yeah, nanny. Duh.

Well, if Ivanka wants to know what a "real women who work's" life is like, here goes:

  1. Drive our kids to school because the school district can't afford buses any more. And that includes for field trips.
  2. Take our youngest to doctors appointments weekly for her bad lifestyle choice of having a pre-existing condition of severe allergies/asthma.
  3. Spend time outside doing lawn maintenance because we can't afford a landscaper.
  4. Work extra hours to save for college since we weren't born rich and don't have connections to pay our way into Ivy league colleges like some folks (cough cough, Jared)
  5. Grocery shop and cook meals for our family since we can't afford chefs.
  6. Clean the bathroom, do the laundry, vacuum and mop since we can't afford maids.
  7. Go to the library for free books and shop at Goodwill for inexpensive clothes since we can't pay for personal stylists.
  8. Work a full time job, a part time and sometimes a seasonal 2nd part time job to pay for holiday gifts for our kids.
  9. Help our kids with homework every night since we can't pay for tutors.
  10. Pack lunch every day for our kids for school.
  11. Take our kids for haircuts, doctors visits and sports practice.
  12. Wash our cars, pay for our cars, take our cars in for service since we can't afford chauffeurs.
  13. Pay our rent, utilities and credit cards bills since we don't live in a property owned by our dad, husband or Russian business partners.

This is what real women who work do. We get shit done. Not like Ivanka, who literally rode her daddy's lap into the White House, pretending to be a feminist who cares about women's rights, LGBT and the environment while being a truly sociopathic, heartless, vindictive, spoiled little brat.

But, at least she got some good plastic surgery.

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