I don’t even know how to begin to compete with this. So, if you want a sidekick, just let me know not to bother with the shirt and tie — and whether I should try to find some sort of staff/projectile in the Village tonight that I can bring on set tomorrow.
Instead, all I got was everyone dressed all regular-like talking about serious grown-up stuff, like history and politics. Boooooo.
Though, Elie Mystal did throw in the shade about why Black people don't exactly need to celebrate July 4th, reminded us with his drink choice why NONE of us should forget to whom the Oval Office demogorgon bows down, and that instead of the hillbilly fake anthem "Proud To Be An American" vomit-fest, we should be listening to "Hamilton."
MYSTAL: It's amazing how this desperate narcissist has managed to make jingoism all about him anyway, right? Look, I'm not your Fourth of July guy, okay? 1776 didn't do a whole lot for me, alright? So I don't really go in, and any time I see fireworks and flag waving white people, it's a little bit dangerous, and so I kind of step back. But here's the thing I thought of as I was sitting in my backyard, drinking White Russians to honor America and listening to "Hamilton," as one does. What we saw from the president this weekend really represents a total failure on the part of the people who wrote the Constitution. Right? So, I'm kind of sitting there listening to "Hamilton" and thinking, "Now their failure is complete," because the thing they wanted MOST was to NOT have this kind of demagoguery. Federalist Paper One, the very first thing said in defense of the Constitution, warned by Alexander Hamilton, warned against demagoguery. George Washington's exit address, warned against factionalism and party politics destroying America from the inside out, and so when you look at Trump making it exactly as you say, all about him, all about the hardware as opposed to the idea of independence, it really makes you think that the very thing that the founders were terrified of, the thing that kept them awake at night is now what has happened.
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Up with David Gura's panel weighs in on the Chinese espionage scandal at Mar-a-Lago. Elie Mystal: "This is the perfect Trump scandal because it's all these grifters and madams and fake billionaires, and they're also petty."