July 31, 2019

Saying "When you think CNN, think Fox," Stephen Colbert ripped into last night's Democratic debates.

"Most of tonight was a bunch of guys with no chance to win the Democratic nomination yelling Republican talking points at the people who can," he quipped. "It was like watching the seven dwarves all offering Snow White a poison apple.:

He noted that the debate started with the candidates placing their hands over their hearts for the national anthem. "Except Tim Ryan, unless he keeps his heart in his scrotum. I'm not sure. I think he keeps his brain there. Not sure where he keeps the brain, either."

After ticking off the candidate one by one, he said Bernie Sanders pointed out the how entrenched the health care system is.

" 'And by the way, the health care industry will be advertising tonight on this program,' " he quoted Bernie.

"Wow, for some reason, Bernie is really made at the advertisers. 'I bought a catheter and let's say it was not self-lubricating. It was like inserting a Pixie Stick."

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