Missouri's towering intellect, Rep. Long, has determined the reason all these murders are taking place! Rejoice!
June 2, 2022

Missouri GOP Rep. Billy Long is short on smarts, but he is certain he's cracked the code on why there are so much gun violence in this country.


That's right, kids, welcome to today's episode of "Blame Everything But The Gun: Abortion Edition!"

Here's this sentient bag of pustulant ooze opening his food funnel and allowing words to dribble out of it.

"To my knowledge, none of those shootings were done with a, uh, armalite rifle or AK or anything like that. Uh, it's a systemic problem. When I was growing up in Springfield, you had one or two murders a year. Now we have two, three, four a week in Springfield, Missouri, so something has happened to our society, and I go back to abortion, when we decided it was okay to murder kids in their mothers' wombs, life has no value to a lot of these folks."

Well, I'm verifiably dumber after hearing and typing those words, how about you?

Allow me to try to claw my way back up to a first-grade reading level to correct this asshat's absurd attempt to blame women for mass murders committed by men. Truly, the only surprise is that they blamed doors, windows, teachers, and CRT before they came around to blaming women for the horror that is an 18-year-old's access to the tools needed to shoot hundreds of people in a matter of seconds. For real, what took the GOP so long?

My husband was reminded of some inbred's bumper sticker that said something like "If fetuses had guns, there would be no abortion." Like, how would they hold the guns with their tiny hands? Would they be very tiny guns? And how would they shoot them without killing the pregnant person? Or would the bullets be so tiny they'd just nick the uterine lining? Would there be little gun-safety manuals the fetuses would have to read? Would every uterus have to be equipped with a tiny gun safe so the fetus doesn't die by suicide if it's feeling despair? Who would have the combination? I have so so many questions.

But you can bet your Baskin Robbins that if Billy Long knew about that stupid-ass bumper sticker, he'd have it on his truck.

Twitter had a few rebuttals.

And the WINNER:

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