August 3, 2022

Poor Judge Maya Guerra Gamble had to dumb things down for right-wing crank conspiracy theorist Alex Jones in court today. She had to ask him things such as if he knew what perjury is.

Everything went off the rails when it was revealed that Jones's brainiac (or stable genius, if you prefer) attorney accidentally sent the Sandy Hook parent's lawyer the entire contents of his phone and his financial dealings. So, being the sneaky sneakster that the Sandy Hook parent's lawyer is, he waited for 12 days to tell Jones, and during that time, the right-wing douche perjured himself repeatedly. Amen.

As if things weren't bad enough, Jones's lawyer closed with Lutheran Pastor Martin Niemöller's widely quoted "First they came for" in opposition to the Nazi regime.

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist," he began. "Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

Is Jones's attorney comparing his client to a persecuted Jew in Nazi Germany? Because if so, I'm going to start yeeting stuff out of my window. I don't like when conservatives compare things they did to the Holocaust and Nazi Germany. The reason for that is that nothing compares to that time in history. It stands as an example of everything not to do. And Jones harassing the grieving parents of the Sandy Hook victims does not make him persecuted. It makes him a dick.

First, they came for Alex Jones, and no one gave a f*ck. The end.

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