A Christmas Carol For The Rest Of Us

Offered with real love for our religious brethren--and dedicated to the memory of the late, great, Christopher Hitchens.

Ol' Hitch, of course, would have just hated this video. He was a brilliant man not given to seasonal cheer:

"I absolutely abominate absolutely everything about this season of the year...it's not just that attendance and observance are compulsory and conscripted (though that would be bloody bad enough). It's that ENTHUSIASM is COMPULSORY TOO. You can't just conform and get by. You are always being urged to join in. Of what does this remind me? Of Dear Leader's Birthday in some godawful one-party banana republic or people's democracy, that's what." (The Nation, 1/13/97)

Sounds like fun! Uncompromising genius doesn't take holidays.

But though the world of infidels has lost an intellectual giant, it has a chance to grow and evolve. The shrill atheism voiced by the likes of Hitchens and Dawkins is fine for another generation, but there are plenty of atheists nowadays confident enough in their non-belief that they don't feel like they have to be f--king dicks about it.

So, nonbelievers, free to bow your head in insincere reverence as often as necessary--or hell, possible--this holiday season. Part of being a humanist is loving the weird, weird s--t that humans do. Fellow atheist, you probably do all sorts of weird ritualistic s--t that seems strange to outsiders and doesn't do anything but make you feel better about stuff--you just call it "line dancing," or "must-see TV," or "moderate opiate use."

As for Hitchens, all this glad-handing would have just pissed him off.

And that's cool, he has no idea this is happening. Because when you die, you're just dead.

Merry Christmas, everybody!


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