Colbert Takes A Shot At Catholic Bishops And Republicans For Opposition To Contraception Mandate


Jon Stewart took a whack the previous night at the hypocritical Catholic bishops and the Republicans who are running straight off a cliff with their opposition to the HHS mandate that will require contraceptives to be covered at no cost by insurance companies, and this Tuesday, it was Stephen Colbert's turn.

COLBERT: Folks, I have often warned you that President Obama is an anti-religious zealot, which is surprising, since he is also a devout secret Muslim. Now he is launching a vengeful crusade against the Catholic Church, which is especially hurtful, since vengeful crusades... kind of our thing. […]

I say if Jesus wanted everyone to have insurance, he'd have been crucified on a Blue Cross Blue Shield. […]

The Catholic bishops are especially angry, because paying for contraception contradicts a belief those bishops hold dear; that Catholics don't use birth control. Which isn't easy because 98 percent of Catholic women use birth control. The other 2 percent, are nuns. […]

Now, some in the liberal complain-o-sphere are saying if you take tax payer money, you have to follow taxpayer rules. And yes, the church accepts a little federal money here and there. In 2010 Catholic charities received $2.9 billion. But that's only 62 percent of their total revenue. After taxes, that's still 62 percent because they don't pay taxes.

And while that money came from all of the taxpayers, most of whom aren't Catholic, once the bishops lay their hands upon that secular cash, it is transubstantiated into bishop bucks, the cash flow of Christ. Which means the money now holds the beliefs of the Catholic hierarchy and can be spent only on items approved at the highest levels, like massive legal settlements.

The Republicans and Rick Santorum got their turn in the box next.

Once again, it's the comedians putting the Villagers in the media to shame with making a mockery of the blatant hypocrisy they'd rather carry water for than call out.


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