Read time: 6 minutes

That Colored Fellas Weblog

The Fly On The Wall: White House Press Credential Interviews Yellow Dog Blog And now, it's time for another episode of Fly on the Wall. This feature,

The Fly On The Wall: White House Press Credential Interviews Yellow Dog Blog

And now, it's time for another episode of Fly on the Wall. This feature, a public service of the Yellow Dog Blog, gives you the opportunity to eavesdrop on meetings of vast importance. In this edition, we check in on press-credential interviews in the White House press office. Let's listen:

Press Officer: Good morning. For whom did you vote in 2004?

Reporter 1: Why?

Press Officer: National security question.

Reporter 1: Uh.... John Kerry.

Press Officer: Next!

Reporter 2: Sieg Heil! Don't mess with Texas.

Press Officer: Well, good morning! I guess I don't need to ask after that greeting, but for whom did you vote in 2004?

Reporter 2: Why, Dubya, of course. You don't think I would have voted for that tree-huggin', welfare-givin', Jane Fonda lover do you?

Press Officer: Well, some people did. In fact, [whispering] our people in Ohio say more people there probably voted for Senator Kerry than for the President.

Reporter 2: I always say, what the American people don't know, won't hurt 'em.

Press Officer: Bingo! You'll be a fine addition to our White House press corps.

Reporter 2: Praise Lee Atwater!

Press Officer: Now, can you give us some sense of what your actual background is in journalism?

Reporter 2: Well, I was editor of the Young College Republicans newsletter, The Right-Wing Fascist Weekly.

Press Officer: Catchy name.

Reporter 2: Thank you. Liberal campus administrators made us tone it down.

Press Officer: But have you ever actually done any reporting on a more national level and on government affairs in particular?

Reporter 2: I can't say I've done very much "reporting" in the traditional, liberal-dominated-media sense.

Press Officer: But you seem like our kind of guy. What is your journalism background?

Reporter 2: Well, I've written some very hot e-mails and posed for some racy nude photos on military-studs-for-hire.com.

Press Officer: Isn't that also a male escort or [whispering] male prostitution service?

Reporter 2: Prostitution is such a liberal way to put it. We liked to call them "male maneuvers" if you know what I mean.

Press Officer: Gotcha. We're actually far more concerned about the kind of questions you'll ask President Bush if we give you a White House press pass.

Reporter 2: Believe me, I know how to be gentle with another man.Press Officer: Bingo! You'll be a fine addition to our White House press corps.

Reporter 2: Praise Lee Atwater!

Press Officer: Now, can you give us some sense of what your actual background is in journalism?

Reporter 2: Well, I was editor of the Young College Republicans newsletter, The Right-Wing Fascist Weekly.

Press Officer: Catchy name.

Reporter 2: Thank you. Liberal campus administrators made us tone it down.

Press Officer: But have you ever actually done any reporting on a more national level and on government affairs in particular?

Reporter 2: I can't say I've done very much "reporting" in the traditional, liberal-dominated-media sense.

Press Officer: But you seem like our kind of guy. What is your journalism background?

Reporter 2: Well, I've written some very hot e-mails and posed for some racy nude photos on military-studs-for-hire.com.

Press Officer: Isn't that also a male escort or [whispering] male prostitution service?

Reporter 2: Prostitution is such a liberal way to put it. We liked to call them "male maneuvers" if you know what I mean.

Press Officer: Gotcha. We're actually far more concerned about the kind of questions you'll ask President Bush if we give you a White House press pass.

Reporter 2: Believe me, I know how to be gentle with another man.

Press Officer: Uh, OK. Well, let's try some questions. Pretend I'm the President and you want to ask about progress in the Iraq war.

Reporter 2: OK. "Mr. President, how do you answer critics who say we had no reason to invade Iraq, that the effort has ruined our reputation and is bankrupting the national treasury?"

Press Officer: Funny.

Reporter 2: Sorry, I kid sometimes. "Mr. President, are we close to leaving Iraq and turning the country back over to its own people?"

Press Officer: Softer....

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, how are you holding up under the strain of your tremendous responsibility?"

Press Officer: Softer still...

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, when are the liberals in Congress going to stop supporting terrorists and get behind your heroic efforts?"

Press Officer: Keep going...

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, will the Attorney General be filing charges against the activist judges who killed Terri Schiavo?"

Press Officer: That's it! Beautiful.

Reporter 2: I wasn't too harsh was I?

Press Officer: No, perfect. You're going to fit in just fine.

Reporter 2: Wow, to think, just last month I was dating men twice my age. Now I'll be a real White House correspondent.

Press Officer: Do you have any objections to us, uh, providing you questions to ask the President?

Press Officer: Uh, OK. Well, let's try some questions. Pretend I'm the President and you want to ask about progress in the Iraq war.

Reporter 2: OK. "Mr. President, how do you answer critics who say we had no reason to invade Iraq, that the effort has ruined our reputation and is bankrupting the national treasury?"

Press Officer: Funny.

Reporter 2: Sorry, I kid sometimes. "Mr. President, are we close to leaving Iraq and turning the country back over to its own people?"

Press Officer: Softer....

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, how are you holding up under the strain of your tremendous responsibility?"

Press Officer: Softer still...

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, when are the liberals in Congress going to stop supporting terrorists and get behind your heroic efforts?"

Press Officer: Keep going...

Reporter 2: "Mr. President, will the Attorney General be filing charges against the activist judges who killed Terri Schiavo?"

Press Officer: That's it! Beautiful.

Reporter 2: I wasn't too harsh was I?

Press Officer: No, perfect. You're going to fit in just fine.

Reporter 2: Wow, to think, just last month I was dating men twice my age. Now I'll be a real White House correspondent.

Press Officer: Do you have any objections to us, uh, providing you questions to ask the President?

Press Officer: What's your name, son?

Reporter 2: Well, at military-studs-for-hire.com they called me I.M. Huge, but you can call me Jeff. Jeff Cannon. Yeah, I like the sound of that.

Press Officer: And would it be possible for us to take another photo for your press ID? All the pictures you submitted are of you, well, naked.

Reporter 2: No problem.

Press Officer: Quick, who do you work for?

Reporter 2: The people!

Press Officer: Hey, hey, hey...

Reporter 2: Kidding!

Press Officer: Welcome to the Bush White House

 

Introducing La Shawn B.'s Groundhog Day

TCFW is proud to introduce La Shawn B.'s Groundhog Day, the continuing saga of a Black woman trapped reliving a life not of her own choosing, a day of unending events that repeatedly challenge her faith, Conservative values, and sanity.

 La Shawn B.'s Groundhog Day is a collaboration between the immensely talented Reporter 2: Heck no. Saves me the trouble.

Press Officer: What's your name, son?

Reporter 2: Well, at military-studs-for-hire.com they called me I.M. Huge, but you can call me Jeff. Jeff Cannon. Yeah, I like the sound of that.

Press Officer: And would it be possible for us to take another photo for your press ID? All the pictures you submitted are of you, well, naked.

Reporter 2: No problem.

Press Officer: Quick, who do you work for?

Reporter 2: The people!

Press Officer: Hey, hey, hey...

Reporter 2: Kidding!

Press Officer: Welcome to the Bush White House

Can you help us out?

For 16 years we have been exposing Washington lies and untangling media deceit. We work 7 days a week, 16 hours a day for our labor of love, but with rising hosting and associated costs, we need your help! Could you donate $21 for 2021? Please consider a one-time or recurring donation of whatever amount you can spare, or consider subscribing for an ad-free experience. It will be greatly appreciated and help us continue our mission of exposing the real FAKE NEWS!

More C&L Coverage

Discussion

New Commenting System

Our comments are now powered by Insticator. In order to comment you will need to create an Insticator account. The process is quick and simple. Please note that the ability to comment with a C&L site account is no longer available.

We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service (revised 3/17/2016) for information on our posting policy.

Please Do Not Use the Login Link at the Top of the Site.

In order to comment you must use an Insticator account. To register an account, enter your comment and click the post button. A dialog will then appear allowing you create your account.

We will be retiring our Crooks and Liars user account system in January, 2021.

Thank you.
C&L Team