January 3, 2014

Let me tell you why they should let priests have s-e-x. It would put them in a much better mood.

Robert J. Robbins at Our Church of the Saviour in Manhattan arrive on the scene last September.

Up until then, the church had rang their bell twice a day, at noon and then again 6:00 pm. All was well.

Rev. Robbins, however, decided that the bells should be rung hourly following a hymn from 8:00 am until 8:00 pm.The neighbors complained.

It even made the New York Times.

“It’s so drilled into my head that, even when it’s not ringing, I still hear it,” said Tamara Kozlakowski, whose apartment is directly across the street from the church’s tower…”

It was deemed a bit much because the bells aren’t really bells, they are an electronic sound.

Rev. Robbins, however, saw things differently.

The pastor had not responded to neighbors’ requests to scale back the bells but had made his defiance plain in church newsletters, calling neighbors’ complaints “anti-Christian.”

The anti-Christians responded …

…a former concertmaster with the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra in Minnesota, said the bells were “like a torture” for his partner, who is undergoing chemotherapy for cancer and is being deprived of crucial rest time during the day.

Mr. Tecco said he had been keeping a tally, which as of Friday approached 1,500 renditions of the “four-verse-hymn” that is tolled.

And an anti-Christian church member also responded …

A woman who lives in a building next to the tower and who is a member of Father Robbins’s congregation, said she, too, had told the pastor that she found the bells intrusive and largely unnecessary.“He told me the message of the bells is that God is calling us to be better people,” she said.

So, the day after the New York Times article hit the newspaper with all the neighbors complaining, a miracle happened. The bells magically rang all night long. The whole damn night. Nobody in a six-block area got any sleep. It was a miracle and obviously a sign from … uh, God?

After being contacted about the ringing by a reporter, Joseph Zwilling, a spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York, contacted Father Robbins about the nighttime ringing. The pastor, Mr. Zwilling said, called it a mechanical error and was apologetic about the disturbance it caused.

Nobody believes that. Nobody.

So here’s the bottom line, I honestly believe that Rev. Robbins would be a much nicer person if (1) he would listen to God calling him to be a better person, and (2) he got laid occasionally.

But that’s just my guess and I’m pretty sure I’m right.

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