December 15, 2014

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart let Cheney and his fellow torture apologists have it during his opening segment this Monday.

First up was former CIA director and rectal rehydration defender Michael Hayden, saying that "three out of the last four Attorneys General have defined this as not being torture, so let's get the legal definition off the table."

STEWART: It's gone from the table. Three out of four! Our interrogation practices don't even make it to sugarless gum approval percentages. Yeah, I did the math on the factions where. Coincidentally, three out of the four Attorneys General all, I'm sure this is a coincidence, happen to be President George W. Bush's Attorneys General, so if you want even a stronger statistic, you could say 100 percent of Attorneys General told to say whatever we did wasn't torture, said that. Math.


Next up was current CIA Director John Brennan, and his admission that there were times their officers exceeded the policy guidance they were given.

STEWART: Do not judge lest thee be judged, for let he who has never shoved a tube of pureed humus up a man's arse cast the first stone.

Last but certainly not least was the "dark curtain from Haliburton" Dick Cheney and his interview on this Sunday's Meet the Press, which he started right out of the gate by invoking what happened on 9-11 when asked what his definition of torture was. As Stewart explained, "the problem with doing that is you don't give yourself anywhere else to go."

Stewart went on to pick apart Cheney's disgusting softball interview with Chuck Todd and in the end concluded that he did actually have one thing to thank George W. Bush for... not dying while he was in office.

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