January 21, 2015

Jon Stewart opened this show this Wednesday night with a recap of the previous night's State of the Union address and after first panning the media for the hype surrounding the event, Stewart decided maybe he could get on board after all.

Or maybe not. He was however amazed that President Obama could have been as optimistic as he was in the speech about how we're all still "one America."

STEWART: Mr. President, Jon Stewart, New Orleans Times Picayune. I have one question for you. Being president for six years, in Washington D.C. for ten years, why would you still think that? It's amazing. You've been in Washington D.C. How do you still have that hope. You live int he city America invented for the sole purpose of sending its most petty, most partisan, argumentative assholes.

A place evidently so terrible that the House of Representatives, whose sole purpose is to have representation will not allow it to be represented. Look at these people you deal with everyday. Look at them not react to what under normal human circumstances would be unanimous applause lines.


STEWART: What is that? Are you sitting because you'd prefer a lower stock market and fewer jobs? Do you sit because you want higher inflation? No. What is clear is that the glue that holds us together as a people is not nearly as strong as the glue holding the wood of John Boehner's chair to the wood of John Boehner's ass.

I say that he has wood there in his chair and let me say this again, and I have said this before, and I say this to you tonight, the American people, John Boehner is Groot. I believe he is Groot.


Stewart also explained why Mitch McConnell was having some trouble responding to President Obama's speech.

STEWART: Last night it was like the entire GOP realized it was allergic to applauding things. Although to be fair to one Republican, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was unable to stand and applaud because he had accidentally rolled onto his back and could not be turned over unaided...


And the fun wasn't over yet, but just go watch the rest.


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