March 23, 2015

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart had some fun with wingnut Ted Cruz's jump into the 2016 GOP presidential primary, otherwise known as the soon to be extremely overcrowded clown car. Stewart opened things up by wondering how anyone could possibly pretend that this is just now the beginning of the primary season.

STEWART: Wait, now it begins, the race? What have we been doing for the past 18 months. Why are we scampering around these people while they were brunching at billionaires' clubs and deep-throating every Iowa pig farmer within yodeling distance?

Stewart moved onto mock Cruz for having to practice kissing his wife as part of his preparations for the big announcement at Liberty University, with a little assist from Daily Show correspondents Samantha Bee and Jason Jones on why a married couple might have to practice kissing and it seems that all the practice in the world isn't going to help the two of them ever get it right.

Stewart also gave a shout out to the students who showed up with the Stand with Rand t-shirts after finding out that they were forced to attend the event.

After showing some of Cruz's bizarre "imagine" speech where he was opining about someone going to school "alone and scared" Jon let him have it.

STEWART: Dude, you went to Princeton. Like, I mean, don't make it sound like you got forced onto the train to Hogwarts, although that would have been the easiest sorting hat ever... Slytherin, Slytherin it is.


Stewart played more of Cruz's speech where he pretended to be concerned about their privacy rights and then asking the students there to send a text the word "constitution" to 33733.

STEWART: So let me clarify this a little bit. Students at Liberty University were required to attend a partisan political speech where a small-government conservative who had just promised he would respect privacy rights, told them if they cared about freedom, text your information to a mysterious address that collects your cell phone number for undisclosed purposes.

I think we've all known that Ted Cruz's irony meter has been broken for a very long time now, so I doubt most of us here would find that stunt surprising. He's another grifter looking to raise his profile and speaking fees by pretending he wants to be president.


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