Read time: 2 minutes

Marco Rubio Can't Even Pick A Church

So we see that Rubio is in an open relationship with the Lord.
Marco Rubio Can't Even Pick A Church
Image from: Michael Vadon

Yes, the senator Formerly Known As Plain Old Mark is torn between two lovers. Probably because both churches account for a sizable number of Republican primary voters? Or am I too cynical?

As detailed in a report for Truth Wins Out by researcher Bruce Wilson, Rubio has been, in an act of meta-pandering, pretty much every kind of Christian there is. Follow this bouncing Jesus ball if you can: Rubio was baptized Catholic, cheated on the Catholics with the Mormons as a kid, but turned back three years later. Then he cheated on the Pope again sometime just before 9/11, for four years, with an insanely conservative Baptist church, but then he went back to Catholicism. But he never stopped two-timing the Virgin Mary with the Baptists. Make sense? Not really!

During his Protestant years, Rubio revealed in his 2012 memoir, he nonetheless “craved, literally, the Most Blessed Sacrament, Holy Communion” (of the Catholic Church.) So, the rising GOP star found a practical, buffet-style solution. Rubio divulged that on Saturday nights he brings his family to worship at Christ Fellowship, and on Sunday the Rubio family attends St. Louis Catholic Church.

He craved it! LITERALLY! This is probably because Catholic Jesus does this fancy thing where He turns the wine into His own blood during Mass, whereas the Baptists just have to suck on some grape juice and pretend it even counts. So we see that Rubio is in an open relationship with the Lord. He’s married to Catholic Jesus, from whom he gets his legislative inspiration, but he gets Saturday nights with the hot, demon-wrasslin’, gay-bashin’ young earth creationist Jesus, at the Christ Fellowship in Miami, to which he has reportedly given over $50,000 over the years.

If you have a streaming device, check out Amazon Prime's "Alpha House," in which a thinly-veiled Sen. Andy Guzman is strongly suggestive of Marco Rubio. Great show.

Can you help us out?

For 16 years we have been exposing Washington lies and untangling media deceit. We work 7 days a week, 16 hours a day for our labor of love, but with rising hosting and associated costs, we need your help! Could you donate $20 for 2020? Please consider a one time or recurring donation of whatever amount you can spare, or consider subscribing for an ad-free experience. It will be greatly appreciated and help us continue our mission of exposing the real FAKE NEWS!

More C&L Coverage

Discussion

New Commenting System

Our comments are now powered by Insticator. In order to comment you will need to create an Insticator account. The process is quick and simple. Please note that the ability to comment with a C&L site account is no longer available.

We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service (revised 3/17/2016) for information on our posting policy.

Please Do Not Use the Login Link at the Top of the Site.

In order to comment you must use an Insticator account. To register an account, enter your comment and click the post button. A dialog will then appear allowing you create your account.

We will be retiring our Crooks and Liars user account system in January, 2021.

Thank you.
C&L Team