Honey, If I Say It’s Christmas, You Better Go Get You Some Little Twinkling Lights
Credit: Gage Skidmore
October 2, 2015

A couple of months ago, I told you about the weirdness of Ted Cruz’s SuperPAC giving Carly Fiorina’s SuperPAC half a million dollars. Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen was rooting around in a Pumpkin Parfait and some campaign finance reports and found this oddity.

Both Alfredo and I came up with the theory that Ted figured the only Republican who could attack Hillary Clinton was Carly Florina because they both are hooter toters. Ted, naturally, thought men would look mean calling a woman names but for another woman to do it, well, that’s just how bitch works.

A month later, the FEC asks about it, wanting an explanation of why they gave money to another candidate. Ted’s SuperPAC lied to the New York Times and said that it hadn’t decided who to support at that time.

Well, that holds about the same amount of truth as a pig has feathers.

So, this month Ted’s SuperPAC changed their story.

“Keep the Promise I made the donation in June to Ms. Fiorina at that time because we thought she had important things to say that weren’t being heard, including her poignant and effective criticism of Mrs. Clinton, at the time, the likely Democratic nominee,” Kellyanne Conway, president of Keep the Promise I told CBS News in an email.

Ta da! There ya go. “Effective criticism of Mrs. Clinton” are pretty much the magic words. Carly is being paid to attack Hillary, just as we suspected, because, you know, a whole congressional committee designed purely to bring down Clinton’s poll numbers at taxpayer expense wasn’t enough.

There was a small, tiny, unforeseen downside for Ted. Back in August when this transfer of wealth was made, Ted had no idea that Carly would use that money to overtake him in the polls. Today, Carly is at 13% while Ted is at 6%.

Maybe now Carly can give Ted some money to attack Trump because, of damn course, a woman couldn’t do that.

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