The Nightly Show's Larry Wilmore started things off this Monday with a little recap of the latest dust up between Donald Trump and Jeb! over whether or not Bush's brother kept us safe, starting with Bush's disastrous interview on CNN this weekend, and Bush shaking his head the entire time he was defending George to Jake Tapper:
WILMORE: Why are you shaking your head the entire time you answer this question? It's almost like your head can't contain the bullshit your mouth is spewing. [...]
I'm not saying Jeb Bush doesn't believe what he's saying. I'm saying his body doesn't. That's why his mouth can't help but stammer when he says bullshit like this.
Cue Bush asking if anyone actually blamed his brother for what happened on 9/11 and that it's what he did afterward that matters.
WILMORE: Yes, what he did afterwards is the only thing that matters. Afghanistan, Iraq, the Patriot Act, Gitmo, waterboarding. Bush basically created the first five seasons of 24.
Yes, what he did afterwards is the only thing that matters. Afghanistan, Iraq, the Patriot Act, Gitmo, waterboarding. Bush basically created the first five seasons of 24
Now Jeb, I get it. That's your brother. You're trying to downplay the blame he should get because he was in charge during 9/11, even though there was this intelligence thing that Osama bin Laden was determined to strike, we should not hold him responsible for that tragedy. I understand. Just like you shouldn't be held responsible for the tragedy of him becoming president because of that shady recount that went down in your state of Florida, when you were in charge.
Next up was Donald Trump, and his ridiculous response to Bush, where he said if he were president, the highjackers would not have been in the country at all thanks to his immigration policy.
WILMORE: Yep. Trump's proposal on immigration reform is simply one question, and if you check yes, you're not getting in buster.
Larry used Trump's assertions to segue onto Ben Carson, and what Wilmore called hypothetical heroics, which is what we saw from the good doctor when he explained how brave he would be if he thought there might be a mass shooting, as opposed to how brave he actually was when someone supposedly pulled a gun on him at a "Popeye's organization."
After treating his audience to a very funny imitation of "Black Droopy Dog" and his "heroism" at the Popeyes, where he told the guy with a gun to go kill the other guy, Wilmore summed up things this way.
WILMORE: Look, tragedies and triumphs are going to happen during every presidency and if you're in that seat, you're going to get blamed for shit that wasn't our fault, and credited for shit that you didn't do. So if Republicans are going to spend a majority of their time blaming Obama for something like Benghazi, then you have to accept the fact that George W. Bush is to blame for 9/11. That's how blame works.
And it doesn't matter what it is. If you're sitting in that seat, you get blamed, okay?
Wilmore went onto explain that he was even holding President Obama responsible for the butts and dongs that the NFL allowed on screen during a recent interview with a locker room in the backdrop.
WILMORE: He's the president.... right? It's not only the butts that stop with him, it's also the butts and dongs.