At a swanky NRCC fundraiser, Speaker Mike Johnson solemnly announced they've invented a brand-new "America First Award" — because nothing says organic gratitude like custom-crafting a golden (Trump’s favorite color!) participation trophy on the spot — and handed the president this "beautiful golden statue" (an eagle, of course) as the inaugural recipient, declaring it perfect for our shiny new "golden era."
"The president has done so much for the American people, and we want to honor him in some small way, a token of our appreciation for his leadership," Johnson said. "And so tonight we have created a new award we have."
"We're going to do something we've never done before," he continued. "We're going to honor him with a new award that we will present annually from this point forward. "But he is the suitable and fitting recipient of the first-ever America First award. We can think of no better title for what that is.
"That's this beautiful golden statue here, appropriate for the new golden era in America," he added.
Nothing screams alpha-male president like your own party constantly feeding your ego, this time by inventing another award just for you because you’re their perfect boy, even though this “golden era” can’t be found.
And of course, it was presented with theatrical fanfare and a gilded bird, right before he took the stage. It's less "token of appreciation" and more "we couldn't think of anything else.
So take your shiny merch, Mr. President, sir, that your party whipped up, not soon after receiving the fake ass FIFA award. Peak cult cosplay, served with a side of self-congratulatory word salad. What a legend!
As for the "golden era," the economy is in the shitter. Trump's poll numbers have gone down faster than Pete Hegseth at a keg party, and the president is out there blowing up different parts of the world to cover up his part in the most notorious child sex trafficking scandal in history. That's your perfect boy, Mike. November is going to be fun.
