May 9, 2016

Samantha Bee is very sad about Ted Cruz's exit from the Republican primary.

For John McCain's tale of woe in Arizona, Bee said, "Oh my! Your Senate seat is being threatened by a crude, anti-intellectual anger-stoking nativist? Karma is a bitch."

She then went on to share some of her more memorable references to Cruz, and mourned the fact that she'll never get her Cruz/Carly posters she ordered.

"What will I use to scare pests away from my crops?"

About Carly, she said, "She can do it, as long as 'it' doesn't involve grabbing her running-mate's hand or successfully standing up on a stage."

"Respect to Ted Cruz for fighting the good fight against the asteroid that just destroyed a party of dinosaurs," she continued.

She then bid goodbye to Ted, with a special blessing. "Godspeed, you terrifying fundamentalist swamp Reagan."

The best way to close this chapter of the Election 2016 book is with a song from Michelle Branch, with the obligatory photo montage in the background.

And with that, the curtain falls on Cruz, hopefully forever.

Can you help us out?

For 18 years we have been exposing Washington lies and untangling media deceit, but now Facebook is drowning us in an ocean of right wing lies. Please give a one-time or recurring donation, or buy a year's subscription for an ad-free experience. Thank you.


We are currently migrating to Disqus

On May 14, 2022, we started migrating our comments from Insticator back to Disqus. During this transition period, some posts will have Insticator and some Disqus. For more information on the transition, as well as information regarding old C&L accounts, please see this post.

We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service for information on our posting policy.