May 9, 2016

Samantha Bee is very sad about Ted Cruz's exit from the Republican primary.

For John McCain's tale of woe in Arizona, Bee said, "Oh my! Your Senate seat is being threatened by a crude, anti-intellectual anger-stoking nativist? Karma is a bitch."

She then went on to share some of her more memorable references to Cruz, and mourned the fact that she'll never get her Cruz/Carly posters she ordered.

"What will I use to scare pests away from my crops?"

About Carly, she said, "She can do it, as long as 'it' doesn't involve grabbing her running-mate's hand or successfully standing up on a stage."

"Respect to Ted Cruz for fighting the good fight against the asteroid that just destroyed a party of dinosaurs," she continued.

She then bid goodbye to Ted, with a special blessing. "Godspeed, you terrifying fundamentalist swamp Reagan."

The best way to close this chapter of the Election 2016 book is with a song from Michelle Branch, with the obligatory photo montage in the background.

And with that, the curtain falls on Cruz, hopefully forever.

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