August 5, 2016

A note to readers and commenters: this post refers, links and quotes a number of Republican people. Unusual for this site but necessary to describe its point. Thank you.

Have you noticed on social media the talk that a lot of Republicans will actually vote for Hillary Clinton?

It's looking that way, and to those folks, I want to say, welcome. We in the Democratic Party are well aware that you have a choice between sane and insane, qualified and unqualified, rational and willfully ignorant.

Come on in.

We welcome you, and are happy to see that you are definitely Not A Trump Voter.

That said, there are some conditions that Republicans for Hillary will have to meet if they want to continue to be appreciated here by Democratic voters.

1. You get nothing.

That douchebag mustache Tom Friedman actually wrote a column (I know, he needs a new cab driver STAT) saying that since Trump is losing so badly Hillary should actually move to the right to make Republicans feel better. NO, Really!

Hillary is not allowed to move right. There are too many Bernie voters and too many progressives in Congress who will hold her to the Democratic platform and her own very detailed, wonky promises. You get nothing.

2. We now understand totally about the 24/7/365, 12 months out of the year campaign thing.

Yes, you got there first, you craven bastards. But we're better at this than you, by a lot, because we have always understood that government works for people. And people like their Social Security and roads and schools and what O'Reilly calls free stuff but is really just investment in people.

Maybe we'll take the Senate this time and less likely the House but here's the point: we're coming for your Congress and we're coming for your Governor's mansions and eventually even your state houses because your ideology is anti-people and your policies are based on some Reagan fantasy about small government that has really hurt people for a long time.

As a result of your policies, we have....

...a generation of young people 20% of whom grew up in poverty and failing schools.
...another generation of 30 - 50 who have lost their savings and still don't have it back. (and have kids and parents depending on them often under their roof)
...a third generation 50-65 that will have nothing BUT Social Security to retire on.
...and seniors. Some of whom will always vote with you but we noticed in Kansas and Oklahoma that as soon as YOUR Medicaid cuts touched the nursing homes it was Goodbye, Felicia.

Your voter ID laws are racist. The courts are figuring this out and overturning them very quickly. And there will be lots of attention paid to the 2020 census and gerrymandering.

We are coming for all of your elected offices and a large number of your voters. That Gadsden Tea Party flag is all of a sudden applicable to you in ways you never could predict.


3. We have a plan if you decide to hold fake hearings on anything related to Hillary Clinton.

You've cried wolf enough. And you're voting for her in noticeable numbers. So if after the election you think you'll go back to the days of special prosecutor speaker's fee travelgate Vince Foster Benghazi secret lesbian baby parts Whitewater Sidney Blumenthal emails woman card indictments, we are going to hold one Senate investigation into the Republican National Committee's ties with the Russian government and invite your former nominee, Donald J. Trump, to testify on live television for eleven hours about Reince Priebus, rigged primaries, and Putin. And we will continually address him as the Republican nominee. Who ran as a Republican. And won all those Republican primaries, which we will review in great detail. You think he won't accept? Try him. And us.

So come on in, Republicans. Remember our deal.

UPDATE: Dagnubbit Paul Krugman stole my column. :D

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