October 5, 2018

Democrats and, as of now, Lisa Murkowski can rest a little easier now that James Royal Patrick, Jr. is in jail - for the moment.

Patrick, who is from Winter Haven, Florida (Florida, man. Get your act together.) was arrested on Wednesday for threatening to kill anyone he deemed responsible for keeping Kavanaugh from being confirmed to the Supreme Court.

He made the threats on his Facebook page, set to "public," so, thankfully some sane human reported him to the police. Mind you, he threatened to kill any police officers who tried to stop him from carrying out his mission as well, but it seems once confronted with an actual police officer, he crumpled up into a ball and went quietly. "A search warrant for the residence was obtained, and during the search deputies seized a 308 hunting rifle with scope, a 50 caliber Desert Eagle handgun, ammunition for both, numerous receipts from local gun shops, and several used targets." Yikes.

Come on, guys, (he seemed to say) - I was only trying to own the libs! Cops weren't buying it. Not only did he threaten to kill people who voted "democrat," he encouraged other conservatives to break into liberals' houses and kill them in their sleep. That's a little creepy, James.

• “I am about to accept an offer on my house just to get more money to fund my plan to kill Democrat office holders and their families. It is all I think about night and day. I even wake up in the middle of the night, most nights, thinking about it. Ultimately I will be killed but hopefully I will have killed many many liberal [sic] elected in Washington.”

Awwww, James, sweetie. First of all, it's "DemocratIC office holders." Democrat is a noun. Democratic is the adjective describing the noun "voters." Second of all, you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about us? That's adorable. Maybe if you got more sleep you wouldn't be so angry. And honestly, we aren't worth selling your house. Real estate, even in Florida, is a pretty solid investment in the long term.

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